Happy Birthday Ashley

Sisters for life,
through thick or through thin.
We have a family legacy
that's hard not to picture you in.

Though there can be hard days
where you wish it's weren't so.
We'll always have each other
tough, that's how it always goes!

I loved you the moment I saw you;
I knew you were the one.
The sister I always dreamed of,
my life had now begun.

You are beautiful,
funny, precious and dear;
Talented and loving...
hot headed, that's clear!

Watching you with Jayden
makes my heart leap
You're such a good Aunt,
you're love for him is deep

God knew what he was doing
when he brought you to us,
Even though at time
it's hard for me to discuss.

So as your older sister,
I want to bless you today
You are a joy to me little sister,
have a wonderful and blessed birthday!

Giving Up - The Easy Way Out

My life seems to be falling apart in front of me. Every time I think I have it figured out, it all comes tumbling down again. I was a stronger person 8 weeks ago, I was proud of who I had become and who God was making me to be; how come I feel like I’ve lost everything and I’ve been totally and utterly defeated? How could it be that God would carry me this far and then just dropped me? I know this is not the case, but this is how I feel!!! I’m tired and weary and have no strength to go on. I see no light at the end of the tunnel and now I feel like I’m walking in the dark. More and more things are attacking me, things I’m not sure I know how to handle. When am I going to understand the purpose of this and why you allowed me to walk through it? Will I ever understand?

Depression is showing its ugly face more than ever before. It’s like a dark cloud that covers every part of me. The enemy has a way of telling me that this is all my fault and I deserved what I got. He whispers to me “You should have seen it coming; God showed you all the signs; you’ve seen this before, he is always going to fail you; Once a heart breaker, always a heart breaker. You drove him to it; you’ll drive him to it again. If it weren’t for you, your life would be normal and happy.” I’m not sure how much more I can take. I know it’s all lies, but I just can’t fight anymore. My body and mind say give up now!

With my face covered in tears and my head towards the ground, I have some words with my Lord and Savior. I can assure you, they weren’t pretty, and they weren’t sweet; more like an angry teenage girl yelling at her mother. I could feel him there… I gave all that I had; He gently pointed me in the right direction when he gave me Psalm 3: 1-4.

“Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are they that rise up against me. Many are they which say of my soul, there is no help for him in God. But thou, O Lord, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and he heard me out of his Holy Hill.

Something inside calmed, and peace just settled over me. I felt a warm touch on my back and then Hebrews 13:5 came to me, “Never will I leave you or forsake you.” My heart broke again and I stood before him humbled. Where did that strength I once had go? Can I ever be that strong again?

I believe I can, it’s just going to take time. I just need to keep pressing forward, don’t ever give up or let the enemy win the battle of my mind. It’s easier to just give up, but there is such an amazing blessing to those who walk out their troubles with Him. He is my refuge and my strength and he will get me through to the other side.

Proverbs 31 Woman

Through out my life, I have had amazing women in my life to show me what it is to be a strong, godly woman. I'm blessed to have these women in my life and know God has put them in my life for a reason. But just recently, God has challenged me to discover for myself what HE considers to be a Godly woman. Not that the women in my life aren't already on that path, but for ME to understand for myself what he wants for me as a wife, mother, friend, and daughter. This past year, he is not only trying to show me who I am as a person, but who I am as a woman, and as a wife. Even through all the hurt and the pain, God still reminds me to first examine myself. Have I been a Proverbs 31 woman?

In Proverbs God clearly gives guidelines for how a virtuous woman should live. He talks about her character as a wife, her devotion as a homemaker, her effectiveness as a mother, and over all excellence as person. The question that now comes to mind is who is this woman and how can I get what she’s got? Have I fallen short to what God has called me to be? Am I even making strides to become this woman or have I been so consumed with my own problems that I sometimes forgotten that there is a piece of her within me that I discovered months ago? I know she’s there, I’ve seen her… but I feel like since my world came crashing down she’s gone back into hiding.

This past week, I have been on my face asking God to show me once again what it was he showed me just a few months ago. Showing me who I am, not only as a person, but as a woman! A refresher course is desperately needed and I don’t want to fail out again!! God, bring me to that place again where you humbled, where you stood with me and walked with me. I want that from you, I want to be that person you called me to be!

Labor Day Weekend with the Yacoe's