What – What?!?! Blog Awards, Baby!

I’m excited to say that today; I was given this blog award from RCaitlin at City Intern Girl LIfe. She is a great blogger and I have thoroughly enjoying reading her blog!! Such a great girl… thanks!!!


I must say that this is not my first blog award, though still very special. I was first given this award by my sis-in-love about two months ago, but was terrible and didn’t really do anything with it but post it on the side of my blog. So I never really got to thank her officially…. So thanks sissy, love you, and thank you! (I can also now give her an award because I LOVE reading her blog – don’t think I could do that last time)

The rules of this award aren’t too clear… but I guess I’m suppose to pass this award onto five fellow bloggers that follow me and ones I just absolutely love to read. I picked these people because they are always leaving me such great comment and encouraging me every time I write. You have no idea how much I appreciate that since I one day want to write a book. You all inspire me to keep writing! :)

And the “One Lovely Blog Award” goes to….

Katie (My sis) at Loves of Life
Jessica at Our Happily Ever After
Sarah at Counting My Blessings
Leigh at Sturdy yet Fragile
Broken at Through The Darkness

And I know I’m only suppose to pick 5 but I love my BFF’s blog too… she just doesn’t write all the times because she is on big adventures!!! So an extra special 6th One Lovely blog award goes to…

Susan (BFF’s for LIFE) at Musings of a Wanderer

So there you have it folks... check them out! They all come highly recommended! And thanks again! ;)

Happy Birthday Kasey!

Kasey my love… today is your birthday and I want to tell you how special you are!

I thought of rewriting a song that we both like… but the only one that could come to mind was the “So you think you can Dance” theme song. (Not good) So… I’ll do my best to just write a short little poem to let you know how much you mean to me. (Be aware… this will be corny!)

Tender words of wisdom, abundant hugs of grace
There is a spark inside you, a spark that can’t replace
A heart so big a loving, I never would have known
A friendship so endearing, a bond had just been sown

Dreaming of the future, not looking at the past
You have this way about you that breaks the mold, at last
My fear is very little, I trust you with my heart
You know just how to talk to me so I never fall apart

Thursday is our day, to catch up from the week
Talking, laughing, sharing; and wedding talk so chic
Starring at the T.V; watching dancers in a trance
Thursday night excitement, who the best on “So do you think you can Dance?”

The time we’ve spent together, you’ve been a blessing from above
A friend I know I can lean on, a friendship filled with love
A sister not by blood, but a sister of the heart
There is something special about you; I knew it from the start.

Love you! xoxox

Silent Sunday's

Process This

Do you ever have those moments when you know what you want to say, but your brain can’t process it fast enough to find the words at that instant so that you can articulate how you truly feel? Do you have moments when all you have is a bunch of emotions and crazy confusion brewing inside your head, and you literally feel like too much is happening at once and that you might just go insane?

Ok… so ‘going insane’ might be a little over-exaggerated, but at times I really do feel like there may be something terribly wrong with me. I feel slow, stupid, and incredibly inadequate. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that some people can quickly come back with smart answers when I’m still stuck debating the issue in my head. Obviously, I was never asked to be on a debate team in high school or college! :)

It gets even worse when I am in highly emotional situation. A lot of the time I feel like I’m being attacked by the other party/parties because my brain has not yet comprehended the conversation going on in front of me. At times I even feel lost and confused about how the conversation even got to that point of emotional interference. I normally never have anything good to come back with, which in turn puts me automatically on the defensive. My brain is still thinking “What the heck just happened?” But if you give me 30 minutes to an hour to put my thoughts together, I can normally come back with a logical point of view and sometimes a freaking awesome rebuttal! NORMALLY… but I’m not perfect.

As you can see, trying to understand my brain and how it works has been something I have struggled with my entire life. In 1st grade I was given a number of tests and an I.E.P that labeled me with dyslexia. It has always been a constant battle and I have always done my best to compensate for my less-than-average learning ability. In no way am I calling myself stupid, because I know that I’m not stupid. I actually believe that I’m quite smart.

Crazy Side Note Banter - Yes, I was one of those kids labeled “Special Ed.” Goodness, I hate that word! Don’t get me wrong, I know that schools have come a long way since I was there, but when I was in school the label “Special Ed” … well … to simply put it … it was social suicide! Why couldn’t they call us something different, something more uplifting like the “Gifted” kids had… maybe something cool like “Style Ed” since it is all about your learning style anyway, right? All in all, Special Ed helped me, but I had to work VERY hard.

But my brain is my brain and unfortunately there are things I will always have trouble with, things which at times still frustrate me to no end. Spelling, grammar, comprehension of things, and most importantly, how slowly my brain processes things compared to other people.

I know we are all unique and our brains all function very differently, but I’m slowly and sadly realizing that if people don’t struggle with an intangible thing such as a learning disability themselves, they almost never understand how hard it is and how frustrating it is for that person living with the problem. Your brain works faster than mine… but it’s not as easy as flipping a switch and telling my brain “Move a little faster, you’re falling behind!”

I’m finding that when people don’t understand, they tend to be cold and ignorant to what others go through. They believe that the problem is just something you made up in your head, something they’re not even going to attempt to empathize with at all. Unfortunately, that mind-frame soon breeds judgment. The person decides that “it’s just who you are.” They decide that a person will never change (like they can help what is going on inside them?). Judgment stems from false assumptions, and perceptions soon become fogged. I too am guilty of the very same ignorance that people sometimes bestow on me.

For instance, my mom has a disease called Fibromyalgia. My family likes to tease her (kiddingly of course) about this neurological disorder we really know nothing about. But because I don’t know what it feels like to be in pain ALL the time, it’s hard not to think sometimes… “Is this neurological complication really real?” I sit here writing this totally convicted and ashamed that I am not more compassionate, as I’m asking others to be more compassionate regarding how some people’s brains work.

How wrong am I to question that, when I too have a problem that no one can see! My mother has never once thought my dyslexia was made up, or just a ‘lazy side’ of Lyryn. Why would I ever think my mother could even make up such a thing as this disease that she lives with on a daily basis? Pure ignorance, that’s how! I don’t know what it’s like to live with that, but I do know what it’s like to live with something others can’t understand.

Because we are human and so perfectly imperfect, I think every one of us is guilty of being blind to another person’s personal struggle - especially those struggles which are unseen. I expect others to see where I’m coming from, yet pay little attention to the others around me. Being uncompassionate toward a fellow brother or sister’s weakness is just foolishness, and in no way are we walking our lives like Jesus would. I challenge not only myself but also you, this week, to search inside for something you feel like others can’t really understand about you. When you come across someone you can’t empathize with, put yourself in their shoes. Let’s start seeing their struggle from Jesus’ eyes and not our own.

Blessings!

Silent Sunday's - Father's Day

Daddy and Jayden

Africa Benefit Concert

Two weeks ago my BFF asked me to take pictures at an Africa benefit concert they were holding to raise money for their trip in August. There were lots of great people, lots of great food and most of all great music. Here are a few of my favorite pictures from that evening.

Nap Time!

Since I have been working in the afternoons for my friend Bryan part-time from my home; I try to put Jayden down for his nap once I start working, so I can actually get some work done. Jayden is the kind of boy that wants you to follow him everywhere! There is no computer time for mommy, just play time for Jay-Jay! We are working on this problem (along with a list of others)… but let's take it one step at a time, shall we?!?

So to make thing a little easier on mommy, I have gotten into the habit of telling him to go to mommy’s bed and lay there until he gets sleepy. I then normally give him 10 minutes to drink some juice and watch a little SpongeBob and then put him in his own bed, but today was different. He seemed noticeably more sleepy then normal. So after I gave him juice and went back upstairs. Getting lost in my work 20 minutes quickly passed, then I started to wonder what was going on with Jayden...

Amazingly he had taken it upon himself to climb up the steps, get into mommy and daddy’s bed, find his Nuk and his "B" (blanky) and then TUCK himself under the covers to take a nap. This was what I saw when I walked into my bedroom...




So cute! My little angel taking his nap, too bad it wasn’t in his own bed! ;)

Not Me! Monday

Monday already! Well, it's time to confess all the things we didn't do, and stop by MckMama's blog and see everyone else too! Here we go!!!

I did not pick the scab off my back where the doctor removed a mole last Monday. My back did not itch like crazy and each time I scratched, it didn't life a little part of the scab to make we want to pull it off. That is so gross!!!! I'm nothing like my mother and would never entertain such a horrible habit as to picking scabs of my body!

I did not spend like, 4 hours Friday on Facebook taking quizzes on people I hardly knew just because I wanted too. That would be such a waste of time and just make me look like an idiot! Oh no, not me.

I didn't storm out of Pet Smart and walk to AC Moore's leaving Jesse behind wondering what just happened. What kind of wife would do that?!? I didn't have a crapy attitude and drive off so he would have no other choice but to walk to the theater himself. I didn't cry in my car for 10 minutes until he arrived, because I was having major triggers from stupid past events. I would never make us late for a movie because I was hungry... and I would never pick a bad movie to see with my hubby on a date! I'm the world’s best judge in MOVIES!!!

After reading a friend’s blog post on allergic reactions her daughter had, I have not been nervous about what Jayden puts in his mouth at all. No, not me... I'm a completely laid back kind of mom! I also didn't get a little freaked out when I saw a rash appear on his back Saturday night and quickly scroll to that blog post in my head. I am a completely rational person and would never conclude the worst scenario. Never!

My afternoon job hasn't stressed me out at all. I mean, while the boss is away the kiddies will play, right?!?! Nothing has gone wrong at all... everything has run smoothly! (I WISH) I haven't spent $250 on gas driving back and forth to our work mail box and I have not been getting stuck in bypass 30 traffic each day. I'm not excited about Bryan coming back from Germany and getting things back to normal. Not me, because I have everything under control!! ;)

I didn't tell myself I was going to try this new church on Sunday and then not go because I'm too scared to go by myself. Then tell myself I was going to go to church at night and then later convenience myself not to go because I was too tired. That would just be so ungodly of me.

I didn't lie in my bed praying that God will put Jayden back to sleep so I could sleep a little longer.

I wasn't complete bored this weekend and realize I LITERALLY have no friends to spend my time with. I don't need more mommy friends... I don't need more girly friends... I defiantly don't need more couple friends!!! Who needs friends, right?

Hungry

I have been in a funk lately; a rut I just can't seem to climb out of. There are a lot of emotions, frustrations, brokenness, self-pity and unpredictable anger. I'm confused about a lot of thing and can't find the words to articulate how I truly feel; I told my mom that I wanted to be institutionalized because I feel quite crazy. I question myself all the time and doubt my strength as a person. I'm struggling with my self confidence and find myself competing with my own brain! I'm not me... it makes me sad and I need to find her again.

Most people would assume that I'm still struggling with last years crushing blow. Yes, I still have hurts and still have memories, but I feel myself slowly but surely healing and getting past it. Unfortunately, I think this is something I will always have with me and be reminded of. Each year will get easier as times goes on and I think I have finally come to grips with that. I think that my God is capable of anything and has the power to erase my memory of all that has happened, but I don't think he will. I have learned too much from what God has allowed me to walk through, why would he take it away? That person I became because of that walk is the same person I am struggling to find right now.

Last night as I was trying to figure out who and where this person went; I began to realize that she never left. She has just been letting the voice of the Father go unheard and when she was at her strongest, He was the one pouring identity into her. No church, no Word, very little worship, almost no fellowship; how can a girl get filled when there is nothing around from which to be filled?! I long for a church family again and yearn for fellowship with other believers.

I am a broken, hungry child asking her Daddy to hold her again.

hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know Your love does not run dry
and I wait, and I wait
so I wait for You, so I wait for You

chorus
I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

broken I run to You for Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life
so I'll wait for You, so I'll wait for You

I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for
Oh, I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart is living for

and I wait for you
and I wait for you
and I wait for you
and I wait

hungry I come to you,for I know You satisfy.

~Hungry - Sung by Joy Williams

Shot in the Back

Needles, pricking, cutting or anything that has to do with poking something into the body is not my thing at all. Even after having a baby… I’m still not comfortable having this stuff done when I’m by myself. Call me a baby… or a scaredy-cat, but it’s just not something I like doing! It has always gives me the hebe-jeebies and deep down I think it always will!! But I must say I have gotten much better; I didn’t even ask the nurse to hold my hand this time! ;)

This afternoon I had a dermatologist appointment. Dermatologist and my family… well let’s say I think there has only been ONE time a mole hasn’t been removed from someone’s body during a visit! SO I went in there fully knowing that there would be needles, pricking and cutting going on! My family (mostly my mom) has been asking me for about a year, maybe longer, to get this terrible mole removed off my back. I meant to do it 6 months ago… but pushed it off because I knew what “getting it looked at” entailed.

It turns out my mom was right; when the doctor looked at it he said it was a good thing she made me do it. He told me he would remove the two moles and took off what he could see and sent it out for testing. It wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be, I’m pretty darn proud of myself. However, he is pretty sure that I will have to come in for a deeper extraction. I should know more in two weeks, but all-in-all, it wasn’t that bad!

As I was driving home and talking to my sister-in-law Tara, I began to feel something wet and warm on my lower back. I reached back to feel what it was and pulled out my hand only to discover that my little band-aid was not holding back the bleeding! I said “Tara, I’ve been shot!” I couldn’t see anything but a blood stain on my seat, but I also knew my clean white shirt had a huge blood stain right where the mole had been removed.

I quickly got off the phone with her and showed up at my friend/babysitter/TRAINED EMT’s house!!! I slowly got out of the car… she asked me what was wrong and then I slowly turned around. She gasped told me to come in and she would clean me up. I told her the first thing she needed to do was take a picture because this would be a killer blog post! (Can you believe THAT was what was on my mind!?!?)

Look at all the BLOOD!




Ok… I need to go take some Tylenol, now!

Silent Sunday (a day late) / Cellular Composition

Show Where You Live Friday's - Our Office

It's Friday and there no blog post like a "Show Us Where You Live Friday" post; started by Kelly's Korner. This week we are showing off our office. Now, I have noticed that almost every bloggers office is immaculate! Yea... no, not mine!

Take a look for yourself...





























And all the papers!!

















My Hubby's Side is pretty neat...

















And then... we have out high school wall and our crazy cool leopard gecko's! I think we may need to stop living so much in the past.

Backyard Belly Shoot

It was so hard for me to pick my favorite photo from this shoot!! See more photo's on my photography blog! Which one is yours?

Not Me! Monday

Here’s another “Not Me! Monday” started by Mckmama. Here goes, because this weeks a doosie.

• I most certainly HAVE NOT been keeping a list of "Not Me's" for the past two weeks so I wouldn’t forget all the things I haven’t done; and then realize that I have way to many for this week and just throw them out.

• I did not try to kick the door down yesterday. Hum….

• I did not get upset with my sister this weekend at all. It wasn’t hurt that I thought she was ignoring my last text message and then got even more pissed off about it when I saw her. THEN like an idiot, I just REALIZED TODAY that she wasn’t ignoring my last message at all because she never GOT the last text message! It was never sent and is still in my OUTBOX on my phone!!!! No… I would never do that, I’m just too mature for that! (Oh man… I’m going to get in trouble for that one; I need to think of a good way “not” to apologize!!!)

• I did not procrastinate on typing up my meeting notes for today’s meeting at Isaac’s because I just didn’t want to do it this weekend. That would just be incredibly irresponsible of me, I would never do that!

• I in no way have been an emotional mess this weekend and wanting at times to “commit” myself to a mental institution for a few days. I’m just too put together to ever want to do that and I would also never spend 45 minutes crying in the shower.

• I most certainly have not been dealing with jealously issues what-so-ever and been trying to get to the root of it!

Was this supposed to make me feel better?? Because I’m not sure it did; it made me feel like a complete retard this week! I really wish these hadn’t been me this week.