Convictions and A Prayer Request

I have seriously felt at my lowest of lows lately. Why is it that I always feel like this when I’m supposed to be at my happiest? I feel like I’m on this journey to find myself again, yet have none of the people in my life to stand by me like before. I feel lost and alone and trying desperately to understand what I did to find myself between this jagged rock and this steep cliff that I’m about fall off of. But still when all seems lost, God has a way of showing you that He’s here and how much He cares about you.

As I was crying like a baby in my car last night on the way home from a movie with my son; an Addison Road song came on called “Hope Now.” Needless to say, the tears certainly did not stop; in fact they got much worse. Conviction and dishonor rolled over me like a guilty wave. I have been so wrong and yet my merciful God gave me a gentle glimpse into why things have played out the way they have.

Though I feel so broken down and out of control, God is showing me that HE is the one walking me through it. Without Him, I am nothing! This song spoke to my heart more that I thought it could. Maybe it will speak to yours today as well.

Hope Now
If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

You've become my heart’s desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Also, if you could keep me in prayer I would really appreciate it. As you can see from the picture below I am already showing. This is not because I am farther along that I though; it’s because I have an umbilical hernia that has grown much larger since my last pregnancy. (Honestly, I’m quite embarrassed that I’m showing so soon even though I showed quickly last time) Since growing it has also become a little more painful than before. So please pray that is stays manageable through this pregnancy. Thank you and I hope you all have a blessed week!

Please Pray

It really sucks when you know there's nothing you can do to help someone you care about when something terrible happens, other than to just wait it out and pray for them. You always think there's more you can do, but really all you can do is pray.

My amazing baby sitter, Kim (who is normally all smiles and laughs) called me this morning at work around 8:45 in hysterics. My heart plummeted to my stomach and of course the first thing that came to my head was "what happened to Jayden?!?" She quickly pulled herself together and told me that she was going to have to drop Jayden off at work because her father just had a terrible accident and she had to go to the hospital right away. With my heart still in the pit of my stomach, I told her it was fine and to bring him right over.

I first called my BFF to see if she could come pick him up and watch him until I got off at 2, but was unable to get a hold of her. Then my brain decided to turn on for the morning and thought to myself; why did I call Sue? My parents live less than 5 minutes from here and could get him much faster. For some reason I had a major brain fart, it's defiantly Monday all right! I called my mom and she was just about to head out the door with my sister Leigha; I told her the situation and she quickly yelled down to my dad "Attila... you need to go pick up Jayden at Lyryn's work; there was an emergency!" You want a job done... call my mom! :)

Kim got to work pretty quickly and was completely distraught and crying. I hadn't seen her this way since she left for FDIC two years ago and that was just because she was leaving her kids for a week. I felt terrible! I just held her while she gave me Jayden, the only thing I could do was start praying for her. I had no idea what I said, words just came out of my mouth. I do remember asking for peace and protection and that strength would fill Kim and her family. I looked into Kim's tear-filled eyes and said "Pray, Kim!" She looked down and said she would, than slowly walked back to her car.

Here I was at 9:15 in the morning holding my child in the TFS parking lot. At that moment I wished I could have gotten into my car and just taken Jayden home. Feeling beyond stupid that my child had to be brought into work, (not that is was my fault or anything) I kept him the the corner so not to disturb anyone or even let anyone know that he was there. He was VERY good and played with Steve Wit and a sunny patch of rug until my dad got there. He even whispered when he wanted to tell me something! He made mommy very proud!

So for now, all I know is that Kim's dad was in an accident. I have texted her and I'm waiting for an update! I'll let you know more when Kim calls me back, but for now please keep her in your prayers. Pray for comfort and peace and that everything will work out.

Till then...