My entire life I have struggled with insecurities. I think most woman do throughout their life time, but for me it has been a constant battle of mind, body and soul for as long as I can remember. I have never felt beautiful, I always feel fat and I never receive a compliment! There have also been times in my life that I have taken it to the extreme and not eaten for days (no, not as a pregnant woman, I eat fine when I’m pregnant). I have come to a point where I am done with these feelings and always thinking less of who I really am or who God has intended me to be.
Pregnancy sure doesn’t help these insecurities; in fact it makes them a million times worse to deal with. I go through times of severe depression and choose to pick out every “ugly” thing about me instead of focusing on the amazing little blessing growing inside me (terribly selfish, I know). Trust me, I know this doesn’t help and I know somehow I could be putting a spiritual pressure on this beautiful little bundle; which should give me all the more reason to try to understand where these insecurities got their start and cut them off. Even after an amazing 13 week course through Elijah House, focusing a lot of time getting to the “root” of personal strong holds, I still can’t figure out why I’m so terribly insecure.
I need to stop living in such bondage. It has caused too much hurt and is a major stumbling block in my personal, marital and spiritual growth. I am making it a personal and public goal for the next few weeks to really examine my heart and find the “root” or “roots” of why I feel the way I do. Why would anyone want to live like this forever?
I want to understand why I always feel that I am less than every other person around me. I want to understand why I always feel that what I have to say doesn’t really matter.
I want to stop believing that I’m not smart enough to write a book.
I want to stop walking into a room and feeling that I’m the ugliest person in there and comparing myself to everyone around me.
I want to be ok with not being the most perfect mother and wife, because honestly I don’t think a perfect mother or wife exists.
I want to be ok with knowing that I’ll never be that girl who can fit into a size 0 jean, because ladies… I have CURVES.
I want to be ok with knowing my life hasn’t always turned out the way I may have imagined, but to KNOW that God has something better in store because of the things I have walked through.
There is good in everything and I just want to be able to more clearly see it instead of thinking so little of myself. I deserve better, God planned for better for me. Ultimately, I am the one keeping myself from coming to a place of peace and healing so that I can truly walk in freedom. I am who God made me to be, and I’m the only one stopping myself from becoming everything that God intended. I want to finally be free to be me.
Francesca Battistelli - Free To Be Me
What about you? Is there something that is holding you back from being all God wants you to be? I challenge you to also look inside yourself and break free from whatever insecurities that may be holding you back from walking in the freedom and greatness God has planned out of you. I want to see more women free from insecurities! I will be praying for you!