Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Falling

After all I have learned, after all I have walked through; I would like to think I’ve learned my lesson by now. But here I am falling backwards all over again. I’m getting too comfortable in life, that I no longer seek Him daily. Stuck in a place where I listen to more of the enemies lies then I do listening to what my Father in heaven is trying to tell me. I see my relationship with the Most High slowly becoming less of a priority and more like a “when I need ya, I’ll call ya” type a thing. I know; how horrible am I? But trust me; it’s a rut that I’m aware of and fighting so badly to get out of.

My common sense tells me it’s imperative to get out of this rut. I know where I’ve been and I don’t want to go back. It’s just about taking that time daily with God and really putting Him first. I always seem to push things back and tell myself I’ll get to it later… but in all reality what I’m doing is just tell God that I just don’t have time for Him today. I have noticed that each day that I seek Him less, each day seems to get harder. By not seeking Him, I’m allowing my guard to come down and am way more susceptible for the enemy to come in and sweep away my joy; and more and more I become prone to believing the brutal lies he whispers.

I know better than to believe these lies. I’ve even had CLASSES to help understand and speak against these lies. But boy-oh-boy does the enemy know just how to get to me! He knows every word to say and every perfect button to push. Speaking directly to my insecurities on the way I look, the way I feel, the way I mother, how I am as a wife, how I keep my home. Even going as far as what my family and friends think about me.

I know that no one is perfect, and we all have our moments of weakness that we all at one time have believe the lies of the enemy. But at times, I feel like I’m the only one. Going in cycles… feeling like this merry-go-round will never end. Is it as simple as just not listening to the lies… I feel like it’s so more complex than that. Even now as I write this I feel dumb. I feel so inadequate as a daughter of the King and as a person in general.

What a rut… I think I just need to go put some worship music on and soak… Consume me from the inside out Lord!


From The Inside Out by Hillsong
More Hillsong music on iLike

16 comments:

Kayla said...

Wow. What a powerful post. I am left with this feeling form time to time. It's sad, but I feel we all do it.

Rachel said...

I feel the same way right now.

KatherineAnne said...

I needed to read this post today, right now, and I am so thankful that you wrote it. Sometimes, He works in ways that I do not understand, but I am so happy that you wrote this because I think that one of the biggest lies we hear whispered in our ears is that we are the only ones going through this.

I hope you have a very blessed night! XOXO

Jen said...

Lyr-

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Gosh, what a difficult place to be. It's just like Paul says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing."
Romans 7:15-19

BUT KEEP READING all the way through Romans 8!! It is SO awesome that while we CANNOT "fix" ourselves...we have already been "set free from sin" & been given a Spirit that can overcome ALL.

Keep your head up!
<3
Jen

I'm sorry this is the longest comment in existence!

Taylor @ The Undomestic Momma said...

I know the feeling---great post! Love Hillsong!

Mary Michal said...

Thank you for your honesty. I've actually been feeling this exact same way. I've been listening to the lies, and they've been telling me that God doesn't love me. It's stupid because I KNOW that it's completely untrue. And yet, I listen. Deep down, I know the only reason Satan would be whispering these lies to me is because he's mad that I know the Truth. I think you're right, a little bit of worship music will lift the soul!!

LeAnna said...

I think this is the best part of a relationship with the Holy Spirit, He doesn't let us feel comfortable in our rut. As long as we don't become calloused to that, there is growth and we pass through the rut. It's when we become complacent here that we're in danger of hardening our hearts. That tug is a good thing! Draw nigh to Him and He will draw nigh to us.
Thanks for alway sharing your heart so openly. It's refreshing!

Fields of Gold said...

I hear ya girl... pick up that bible and soak it in. He has given us His word to just drench ourselves in. Thank you for the post!

Burtons Blessings said...

I know exactly how you feel and you are not alone. Most of these days I am just on auto-pilot, in my routine and pushing God aside. So ashamed because I want my son to grow up knowing the Lord and spending time with Him.

Alicia said...

Hi friend! I've so been there before, and I know how you feel. Being stagnant in the Lord is probably the worst feeling, but it just doesn't happen. We start to slowly drift away (like it says in Hebrews), but praise God that it's just one step back to Him! The enemy is very sneaky, and he will always try to distract us from spending time with Jesus. But, yes..just keep putting on that worship music, and call a sister in the Lord who is on fire!! We all need to be encouraged!

Trina said...

Sweetie you are definitely not alone. I think all Christians struggle with this. WHen something is not directly in your face it's hard to keep it front and center. But its good that you recognize it and are taking steps to keep from sliding further down.

I love your heart girl. Be encouraged. You are amazing.

Kameron said...

I guess it is easy to get complacent when things are going well. We tend to cling tightly when we need him, but relax a bit when we're in a good place. It is hard to get to the right ballance, but we just have to keep trying!

Lauren said...

Oh how quickly those ruts form and how hard they are to get out of! I've certainly had my share of these feelings, at least you have recognized that you need to get out! Hang in there girl--He will pull you through!

Lilly, Matt, and Sara said...

It is so true for I think everyone. I know on the days that I am faithful to time with the Lord MY outlook on the world is so much better. I remember to see the blessings and the whole picture that He is in control and that I trust him with all the worries. Hang in there and dig in girl! You are definitely NOT alone!

Katelyn said...

Persevere Lyryn! I hope you get out of this rut soon - I hate it when that happens to me.

Brittany Ann said...

You know, I'm always shocked and worried at how good the enemy is getting at me, even when I think God and I are in a good place, even when I think I'm living God's plan.

It's always a reminder to me that I have to constantly reject evil and live in the Lord. It's a daily, hourly, sometimes minute-ly decision and struggle.

I know just how you feel:)