Monday, February 21, 2011

The Art of Being All There

Don’t you sometimes wish there were three of you at times? I know I do, especially with a fireball of a three year old running around. It just feels like you never have time for anything, including yourself. In a culture that is mostly “go, go, go” and always about “me, me, me” we sometimes forget that it’s not about having spare time, but slowing down and making time for the ones we love most. 

I’m learning that every relationship is work, especially the ones you are fighting to hold on to. But if you want a rich relationship you must realize that at times it may get messy. A frequent struggle in today’s culture is the art of truly being all there. With the technology we now have it can be easy for us to become lazy regarding our closest relationships. A quick text telling someone you miss them or a quick tweet to see how life is going, but is that really being all there? There is something about having a true friend spending time with you face-to-face. 

On day three of Love at Last Sight, the Shook’s say something that really made me think. “We all long to know that we’re worth someone’s total attention.” For so long, I thought I was alone!!! Am I that pathetic? Am I that much of an attention hog? I don’t want the world to revolve around me, I just want people to care.  And more importantly if I expect that from others then I also need to be giving it as well. 

This hit me hard last week when I was on my phone texting a friend. I was in a deep “texting” conversation with her about some marital problems. My mind was in only one place… my phone and there was no taking my eyes off the words that were coming through this device. I guess Jayden had been trying to get my attention and I had not been listening. All of a sudden he pulled a chair into the kitchen where I had been standing, got up on it and said “Mommy, get off your FOAM.” I was so engrossed with what was happening on my phone that I had no idea that he just wanted a little attention. After that I felt quite guilty, I sent a message telling my friend I would call her later and then got tons of blanks and started to build a blanket fort. I knew that would make him happy especially because it was mommy giving him complete attention. 

Craving that “attention” or the desire to be noticed or loved is genetically hard-wired in us. Just look at kids, they will show you that it’s something we were designed to need. My son showed it to me last week. Have you ever heard them say, “Look at me mommy” or “Did you see that?” Adults seem to forget that once said those phrases too and the desire to have someone focus in on us doesn’t go away when we get older. We just know how to mask it better. You don’t want people to think that you’re lonely or worse yet that you're needy. You’re an independent woman that doesn’t need anyone any more. At least that’s what society tells us. But that’s why we need to start being ALL THERE for eachother! 

Do you think that “being all there” would help your most important relationships? Think about how much closer you would get to the people you love the most. Make more of an effort to be all there this week and let me know how it goes for you. 

Challenge Questions:
The biggest reason most of us don’t practice the art of being all there
is that we’re too busy worrying about getting our own needs met. 
How can you refocus your vision to see others' needs in spite of your own?

Happy Monday!


Katie~Loves Of Life said...

I have to say that with that last statement, about having our own needs met, I actually found that once I became a MOM, it was more about getting her needs met. Which, is obviously crazy important since she's completely dependent on me. So, its not necessarily selfish, since as a mom, you're actually being very self-less.

I also have to say that I've had and made some REAL friendships with people via the internet/blogging that have been truer friends to me than those in real life at times. Rich, deep, conversations, via phone, text, email, etc. So, I equally believe in those friendships.

Lauren said...

This is such a great study! Being "all there" is certainly a great practice, but with our hardwired selfishness it's so hard to focus fully on others and their needs! I really need to set my phone aside, and possibly even delete access to Facebook and e-mail from my phone just to be more present in certain relationships. Thanks so much for sharing!

Kristin Williams Balla said...

This is so true and so well written. I shudde to think about how infrequently I might get to see my own kids and grandkids if it wasn't for our weekly family dinner.

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

I have been trying to be All there for my husband this week after he told me last week that he did not feel loved by me. That hurt me to hear and I have been trying so much harder to be there, and things are going better for both of us.

Chicago Mom (Heather) said...

What a great post. It's so true! I think the greatest love we could show someone is our undivided attention!

Alicia said...

That is so true. It's hard to not have the mindset about "me, me, me." I know a few people who are all about other peoples needs, and it's amazing. Very selfless!!

PaigeR530 said...

I love this, but I also think it is important to find a good balance. Especially when my baby boy gets here, it definitely won't be all about me. I will definitely have to work on being "all there" in a moment with my son. However, meeting my own needs is also important. Meeting our own needs outside of meeting the needs of someone else allows us to free rejuvenated and recharged enough to continue to be "all there." Don't fell guilty for a little "ME" time once in a while. :)