This Is A Problem That Needs to Be Talked About...

I think this will be the most controversial thing I write about. But I also believe it is something that needs to be addressed. For Jesse, pornography wasn’t a struggle during his affair. He struggled with it in the past and then soon went back to it after the affair ended. He says he believes the reason it wasn’t a struggle for him during that time was because pornography is about trying to fulfill your lustful desires and that’s exactly what he was doing - fulfilling those desires. You heard it from the horse’s mouth, folks. He and I both believe that pornography has been a stumbling block from the very beginning of our marriage. We also think it did play a role in where he allowed his imagination to go and how it led him to seek those desires in a different place.


This is a topic I am passionate about! In today’s society pornography is as common as checking your Facebook. What’s even worse is that it’s acknowledged and accepted by many spouses and even excused as being a “natural thing” that “all” men do. For me the hardest thing to handle is the hypocritical people who do struggle with pornography, (not liking the fact that they do it because they know and feel that it’s morally wrong) yet STILL condemn the man that commits adultery on his wife. I personally think this is a load of crock. Come on, are you really telling me that you are completely ok with the fact that your husband is looking at a beautiful naked woman while you are up stairs in your bed alone? Really?!

Oh the irony! Be careful, oh sinner who judges a sinner. Whether it’s you not wanting to see your own demons or the wife protecting her husband, the bottom line is that you too are committing adultery. Who are you to judge one SIN against another? Have you just skipped over Matthew 5:27-28? “You have heard that it was said, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her (i.e. looks into a computer screen and puts their hands down their pants) has committed adultery with her already in his heart.” My husband says that in reality pornography is just like having the woman right there live in front of you naked… there is no difference at all as to what is going on in a man’s heart. So go ahead and excuse what your spouse is doing behind closed doors, but don’t condemn the man that has his sin brought to light and repents. The only person in the end that will be judging the adulterer is God. Are you so sure that God’s not going to judge you in the end for the way you treated your brother in the Lord and placed judgment on his actions?

Let me give you a little perspective. Did you know that 72% of men and 28% of females watch porn regularly in the United States? Did you know that the average age of first time exposure to pornography is 11 years old and 80% of 15-17 year olds have been exposed multiple times to hard-core internet content? Did you know that 23% of men 17% of woman struggle with a porn addiction? In 2004… 2.0.0.4… there were 420 million websites of porn, up from nearly 1.6 million websites, 17 times greater than it was in 2000. Just think about how much more there must be today! You can go check out many more statistics at  Family Safe Media, Pure Hope, Covenant Eye's, and lastly I would really encourage you to check out XXX Church.  They also have a great accountability program as well!  All sources are great!

Are you seeing a problem yet? Want to know what’s worse? Ok… crazy as it may seem the Christian world is about to be exposed because their statistics are pretty bad too and we all KNOW the truth. It is said that 47% of Christians say that pornography is a major problem in the home (Focus on the Family poll, October 1st, 2003). That 51% of pastors say that cyber-porn is a possible temptation. 37% say it is a current struggle (Christianity today, Leadership survey, 12/2001). About 29% of “born again” Christians in the U.S feel that it is morally ACCEPTABLE to view movies with explicit sexual behavior (The Barna Group). Roger Charman of Focus on the Family Pastoral Ministries reports that approximately 20% of the calls received on their pastoral care line are for help with issues such as pornography and impulsive sexual behavior. At a 1996 Promise Keepers conference 53% of the men revealed that they viewed pornography that week. And that’s just the ones that admitted to it! People... Come on!

I would have to say by far my biggest issues in all these statistics are that there are Christians out there that think this is ok. Are they picking and choosing what they want to take from the Word? Do you not understand that when your spouse is doing this they are committing an affair? Do you know what it’s doing to your self esteem and your marriage? By watching porn, your spouse is putting you second and their need for lust first.

You do not have to agree with me and what I’m saying. I’m just showing you the statistics and what scripturally the Word says about all of this. You have to see that our world is getting more and more desensitized to something the Lord intended to be holy between two people in a convenant under God. Yet it is plastered everywhere so that even our young children can see. I believe this is an epidemic that is only getting worse and could even be a gateway into actually going through with someone’s lustful desires. I’m not saying that just because your other half has an issue with pornography, that they are going to go out and have an affair, but it does leave the door wide open for them to gawk at other women naked without repercussions. I’m not here to judge you, but I ask that you prayerfully consider all the facts and then ask yourself, should this really be ok in my home?

:: Jesse's Thoughts ::

Pornography is like a drug. You can take it for all kinds of different reasons. You take it because you’re angry. You take it because you’re sad or lonely. You take it because you’re happy. You take it because you’re tired. There are a lot of excuses we give as to why we deserve to take it. It can also affect us in ways similar to drugs. It causes us to view members of the opposite sex differently. It causes us to become less sensitive to the needs of our spouses. It causes us to view sex and sexuality in a completely false light.

Many people would have understood if Lyryn would have left me after the affair came out. It’s a socially acceptable reason. Not quite so many people would have agreed with her leaving over my viewing habits related to pornography. However, can we honestly and objectively say that my watching other people engage in sexual acts and projecting myself into those situations is that much better? I realize that actually engaging in the act with another person does change the rules a bit, but it doesn’t change the game.

Most men struggle with lust regularly. It is something that they may never be able to completely expel. This does not excuse them from doing everything in their power to curtail it’s influence over them and their marriage. Allowing ourselves to view pornography opens up our hearts and eyes to a world outside of our marriage that we shouldn’t be entangled in. Shielding your eyes during a strong sexual scene may in our society seem childish or silly, but I guarantee that a wife will be impressed and very gracious for your self control. Staring at the pretty girl at the office and allowing your mind to wander may seem like a victimless crime, but really you’re the victim. You’re sabotaging your complete faithfulness to your wife and you’re under-valuing the commitment you’ve made. We need to adjust our mindsets to one of complete UNADULTERATED commitment to ONLY our spouses. And for many that begins with pornography.

Sexual intimacy is one of the greatest gifts God gave to us. Pornography is Satan’s biggest manipulation of that gift.

Lose My Soul
TobyMac

(Let me stress, that in no way am I saying that we have this all "figured out,"  because the truth of the matter is that we don't.  We have been fighting an ongoing battle with pornography since we were married and still are very much waging war against the enemy now with it.  I apologize if I came off too harsh or offended anyone by writing this. My heart was strictly to put the information out there and to be able to freely speak my opinion about this subject.  I am aware that there are some very emotional statements written that came directly from a place of hurt judgments from the past and that I still need more healing.  I'm simply being raw in this post and I apologize if I offended anyone.)