Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Reliving a Mountain
Last month’s series was such an eye opening experience for Jesse and me. I emotionally relived a lot of what happened three years ago and at times it took me right back to that once insecure girl standing before this huge mountain I thought I would never be able to get over. I sure did second guess myself a lot last month, questioning if the whole series was a good idea or not.
There were days I felt encouraged and supported, days when I felt I was doing good in the world and that my story was something special to be told. There were days of excitement when I would get an email from a couple telling me that they now see hope for their own marriage. There were many days I felt fulfilled, like this is what I wanted to do with my life and could see a ministry taking form. I felt like I was doing what God called me to do!
But even though I believed we were being obedient to what God had called us to write about, things weren’t going to be that easy either. Being the emotional chickie that I am… the month took quite an emotional toll on me. There were days where I felt like a failure and that no one really gave two hoots about what I was writing. There were days I treated my husband like he was still the man he had been three years ago. There were days that I just stayed at home and cried. There were days I was staring that mountain down, wondering what the heck I was thinking by even opening myself up like this!
I told people when we started this series that if only one couple got something out of “Our Love Redeeming” series it would be worth every bit of what we went through. To know that another couple is fighting to keep their marriage alive because they saw what God did in our marriage… that makes it all worth it! Since the series began we have had tons of emails saying just that. So when I count the cost it was worth facing this mountain head on, once again.
Though this process was an emotional roller coaster for me, I can say that God did have His hand on us through this whole month. He continued to show Himself even greater through our life and our marriage. There were a number of posts that were super hard for me to relive, some emotions and memories, but more often than not it was more healing to my soul then it was harmful. There were things I had chosen to just bury instead of facing them and find healing. This series forced me to face that mountain head on and come to a place of healing that I so desperately needed. And for that I am thankful!!!
We both also wanted to make sure that everyone had their questions answered this past month. Did we miss anyone’s question? Let us know, because we are still open to talking about this. Again, we both want to thank everyone who supported us last month; your support was a huge blessing.
This journey is still being written, but the mountain is finally behind us.