I don't think any girl is ever really happy with all of who she is. If we have straight hair, we want curly. If we have brown hair we want to be blonde, so on and so forth. I feel like we can be our own worst critics and can do a lot of harm to ourselves at times. For me I have been pretty brutal to myself from a very young age. I don't know where it stems from... I don't know what makes me so insecure, but for some reason I'm not very nice to myself.
I was never told that I was the prettiest or ever considered the most photogenic. I was never the one the boys picked first to hold hands with. For the longest time I was just "one of the boys." I always had trouble making friends. I was never the girl who could get people rolling on the floor laughing (maybe that's why I married a man that did). I have never considered myself smart. In fact, I felt I was so unintelligent that before anyone else could call me stupid, I would normally call myself stupid first. I guess in my mind it would hurt less coming from my mouth than others. All in all, I have always been just an ordinary plain Jane.
I have been an introvert all my life and confrontation is NOT my thing. I would rather "take flight" than "fight." Which is so contradictory from how I handled my husband's affair, so I know I am capable of "fighting." I so wish that I could change my introverted personalty into someone who was more outspoken and less verbally challenged. I could write you an amazing thesis two hours later on how a confrontation affected me, but to come right out and say what hurt me... um... hell no. Not my strong suit.
I know that none of the things written above are very nice or very uplifting in any way and this is certainly something that I have been working very hard to change about myself. I don't like hating things about me. God made me who I am for a reason and there IS something special about that! I can understand that! And thank Him for it. God has been really refining me and showing me that I am capable and there is more to me than meets the eye. However, even with growth, there are still little things about ME that drive me crazy.
I believe that God made me to have my introverted personality for a reason. I believe that my emotional and sensitive side is something to be proud of and not be ashamed of. Two years ago, I wouldn't have told you that. I would have cried and told you how screwed up and overly emotional I was. I would have told you that it was a flaw and how sorry I am for being me. Not so much anymore.
I am still a work in progress and God is still teaching me to be confident in who I am. I will fail others and I will never have this down to a perfect science, but I am learning to accept myself for who I am. I like who I feel I am becoming, and I love what God is doing in my life and in my heart.
Is there something in your life that you don't like, but know it's a gift that needs to be nurtured?