Thursday, January 24, 2008

What to write...

How do I write this? I have been sitting here for an hour trying to figure out what to write. I have a million topics, and yet a million reasons why I shouldn’t write them. I could write on "10 reasons why I could, but I wouldn't kill my husband when I'm pregnant," "Will this baby ever come out of me," or the "I'm Jesus" incedent. Or should I just keep it simple? Like, What’s new in my life? What’s in my heart? Where do I see myself in 10 years? I just have no idea where to start.

All right, maybe I should just start there… What’s new? Let’s see, this past year has been the most life changing, amazing and emotional year of my life. Pregnancy can sum those all up. It’s the most life changing, emotional roller coaster and amazing experience ever, at least for me it was! Let’s be real for a second… You have this being growing inside you that your body thinks is an invader, so you are sick for the first three months. Then, just as you start feeling better your hormones go berserk and you cry at the drop of a hat. Once you hit your third trimester, you get more and more uncomfortable because your organs are being pushed back so the baby has more room to kick you. Don’t get me wrong, feeling your baby move for the first time and being able to carry this human inside you is just remarkable when there are so many that can’t. And It’s all WORTH it once you hold that amazing gift from God that you and your husband created together in your arms for the first time. Seeing Jayden for the first time would have to be the best moments in my life along with seeing Jesse hold Jayden for the first time! Seeing the man I feel in love with, melt for this little thing that his and my love created! So worth the 9 months of blah!

My heart is to be a stay-at-home mom; to raise my children the way I want to raise them; to not have to work to pay someone else to raise them. I want to be there when they wake and when they lay down. I want to be there to hear them giggle and craw for the first time. But reality is that if we want to keep the life style we love, I have to work. I’m lucky though, most moms do not have the bosses I have. Most moms don’t get to pick their hours and don’t get to work from home. I’m blessed to have a job I do! But, my heart is still at home with my son. Three months have already flown by, what else am I going to miss in the next nine? I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels this way. I just wish that it was easier for house holds to be a one income family.

Where do I see myself in 10 years? Well, that was a joke. I have no idea where we will be in 10 years. We are keeping that open for whatever God has planned for us. I’m hoping to get back into dancing soon. I feel like that part of me has been dead for so long and I so need that part of me to be awakened again.

Well, that’s my first blog… how did I do? I know, I’m no writer but do feel I have something to say. We’ll see where this goes from here…

2 comments:

Kate said...

YOU DID AWESOME!!! I love it...now back to reading ;-)

Anonymous said...

It is not pleasant to me.

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