One year ago today at 8:22pm on a warm October evening, I was introduced to the love of my life... my joy... my precious son. Though the process of meeting him was not at all how I imaged it would be, or fun in any way, I knew that every pain and every ache would be worth it when I was finally able to hold that little person that was growing inside me. It was like Christmas morning with intense pain, but I was getting ready to see this gift that God had given Jesse and me and it made my heart leap for joy through every contraction! (or should I say after every contraction)
After sixteen hours of labor, three epidurals (that were not working), and still only 3cm dilated; the doctors said that they felt it was necessary to do a C-section to get Jayden out. (Jesse likes to say that they installed a zipper for our future children to come out of). We agreed and Jesse got suited up to join me in the delivery room. I can't tell you how weird it felt to have someone else’s hands in my stomach; but again, I did have a living person in there for nine months. When Jayden arrived he was silent... nothing, but I soon discovered that was who he was... peaceful.
The rest of that evening is a little fuzzy because of all the drugs that were in my system, but two of the things I can remember from that night are me telling Jesse that he looked sexy in the surgical hat and asking Kate franticly "Is he cute, do you think Jayden is cute?" Ha, you would wonder where my heart was then or where my mind was for that matter. In the words of my mother, I blame the drugs!
However I look at that day, I knew my life would never be the same again. There were so many emotions that came over me and at times, I had no idea how to handle them. I felt blessed to have a health baby boy and excited to start this new season of my life. I was anxious to jump into motherhood, and so very scared. That day, I laid down myself - the world no longer revolved around me or what I wanted, but now it was about Jayden and what he could and would become. I was now responsible for someone other than myself. That day, I realized that I would be one of the many who would mold him into the man he will become. I searched my soul for all the generational blessing and cursing, and prayed that my son would be the beginning of a blessed generational line. That day, I realized that I would give my life for him. I now could understand why Jesus died for me and why, for not even a second, think about changing his mind. That day... I became a mommy.
God brought Jayden to me at the most perfect time! Never say that God’s timing isn't perfect, because it is in every way. My Father knew how much joy and happiness Jayden would bring me in times of great pain and hurt. Every smile and every coo warmed my heart. It was like falling in love all over again. God knew that Jayden would make it easier to get up in the morning and he would bring so many more smiles to my face when I thought that I might never smile again. He gave me new adventures when I thought that there were none left to have. Jayden is certainly "one of a kind" - special in every way. God knew what I could handle and God gave me the most perfect child for me!!
So here I am, one year later; wondering what can I give my son for his first birthday? What would a blessed mother want to give her son on his birthday? What can he use, or take away with him? All I want for my son is for him to be blessed throughout his life and have a walk with the Lord like no other. So, for his first birthday I want to write him a blessing straight from his mother’s heart...
To my Son,
On your first birthday, I want to be the first to bless you! You are a joy and a blessing and an amazing gift from God. I pray that God guides me to raise you well and that you will be the man that God has destined you to be. I pray that you will have a passion for the Lord like no other. I pray that you will stand out amongst the rest and be a leader for your generation, and shake the nation. I pray that you will be a history maker and do good and amazing things for the Lord. I pray that you will stand up for what is right and speak up for what is wrong. I pray for honor and a convicted heart. I pray for truth to run from your lips and that you will have a deep discerning spirit. I pray that you will hear the Lord always and He will be the one to guide you through life.
I pray for good, fruitful friends in your life who will not only help you grow into the man you will become, but will also build you up and encourage you in your walk with the Lord. I pray for your wife... (My heart is screaming). I pray that she will complete you in every way. I pray that it will not take long to find her and when you do, I pray that you will love, cherish and honor her all the days of your life. I pray for blessings on your children and your children's children. I pray against all generational curses and I pray tenfold for all the generational blessings. (We are a blessed family!) I pray that you will be the first of many men in our family to really understand what a covenant is and how to faithfully honor your family in everything you do. I pray that you will bear fruit wherever you go, and from that blessings will flow.
Jayden, God has so many plans and such a destiny for your life, and I'm excited to see what he is going to do and who you are going to become. Life is hard! It was never meant to be easy, but when you put all your trust in God and faith in him to direct your life; he will get you through it. When you feel like you need to give up, he will then pick you up and carry you the rest of the way!! When your father and I fail you, (which we will) God will be there because he will never fail you. With God you can do anything... become anything.
I love you so much more than you can ever imagine.