Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Poster Child for foolishness…

When people want to run away from their problems, they usually find some way to “forget” the problem or place blame on another to make themselves feel better. I am the poster child for Christians who play the “victim” card while acting like they are the perfect ones; and then wallow in their own self pity because they can’t admit their wrong. Yes, I have been though a lot… but there comes a time where you just need to start healing and let the past be the past. You can only let the anger go on so long before it turns into bitterness. Trust me, you won’t like who you’ll become.

I’m not the type of person that ever really wants to forget, nor does my brain ever really allow me to forget. (It’s a curse) But I have been watching myself make one bad decision after the next. Letting my bitterness get the best of me when all I need to really do is let God be in control. The pain is deep, and my brain tells me it’s still too new to just let go. The power I hold is getting the best of me and Satan knows just what to do with it. I let my thoughts run free with no limitations; and because the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) I must let me savior take back the reigns.

Everything inside me says to change; says this is only a bump in the road to your “happily ever after.” I need to stop acting so foolishly; I know who I am; I know the destiny God has on my life. Why can’t I just let this go? I must lay myself down; lay it all down, my pride, my hurt, my anger…my entire LIFE. God is always reminding me that he will walk through anything with me, but I just need to trust him.

The Word says in Isaiah 43:2: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.

Needless to say, I got my slap in the face. It hurt… but all God was doing was reopening wounds that healed improperly. (My hubby gave me that analogy) I’m still learning, still taking one day at a time. I’m seeing more that I’m not perfect and I never will be, but… isn’t that why Jesus died? I think that time DOES heal all wounds, and I think that it’s finally going in that direction. I just need to keep my eyes on my Lord and take it one day at a time. I think I’m starting to trust again.

2 comments:

Kate said...

Thats a really great step you're taking, Lyryn. I'm proud of you.

Hannah Day said...

I cried reading your blog, i am new to the blog thing and reading your poetic words reminded me of my lack of any words lately... it's like i let my babies shallow baby pool decieve me into thinking i would fit with them when really my depth is just misplaced not totally lost forever... Thank you for allowing your vulnerability to tear at mine, reminding me to remember...