I feel like my days have been so busy I don’t even have time to do what I love. Writing and photography are both something that drive me, encourage me and gives me an outlet to my everyday problems in life. It gives me a new perspective when I thought there weren’t any more perspectives to be seen. They give me a sense of individuality that until this year, I didn’t even think I had. But recently, my drive to do anything has gone from hyper mode to a slow snail like crawl. So, I guess I should stop lying to myself that I’m to busy and admit that it’s a lack of motivation on my part.
My writing has become dual; when I’m not writing about the “Woe is me” part of life; my mind seems to be blank and unresponsive to thinking creatively in any way. There are millions of things to write about, but for the life of me, I can’t think of one intelligent thing to write. I seem to write a heck of a lot better when Gods in control, the sad part is that I haven’t been giving him the opportunity.
And my photography, it has been pushed to the side. Most of the photos I’ve taken this month have been sitting in my camera just waiting for me to get my hands on them and create something amazing. I have more time on my hands that I let on… why am I just wasting precious time doing nothing productive? I have been trying to think of ways to challenge myself with photography, but always feel like I’ve hit a brick wall.
Instead of writing or taking pictures, my time in these past few months has been filled with chasing Jayden around the house, and fearing the future. Chasing Jayden around is well worth my time, but fearing what is to come? A dear friend recently challenged me and said, “Do you realize that when you fear the future you’re not seeing God in that future. You’re not trusting that God is going to be there for you or even be there to walk you through it.” I never really thought of it that way! Even FDR said “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself”. He sure did have it right; the only thing that stands in our way is ourselves and our own fear.
It might just be that if I stop fearing the things in my life, I’ll have more time to focus on the more important things in life.