Friday wasn't a particularly good day for me. We were headed into Mother's Day weekend and my heart and emotions just went crazy thinking about the pain from last year. I think that for most moms, Mother’s Day weekend is an anticipated "holiday" they look forward to. To me, it only reminded me of my husband moving out and how I suddenly became a single parent overnight.
I know what most of you are thinking... "Be thankful for what you have now" or "The past is the past, let it be." But that really is so much easier said then done! I see your point, I really do. I too want to forget and move on and stop constantly remembering the hurtful things in my life. At times I have thought that I was going crazy because of these certain triggers that would just put me in such a funk that I would be depressed for an entire weekend. But as I looked more into why I reacted to these triggers and why I just couldn't forget them, I learned that most women are just like me!
I found this very interesting study that USA Today did on women's emotional memory. It talks about how women have a tendency to remember things emotionally better than men. Not that you have to go through what Jess and I went through, but the article says that women will remember a marital spat when a husband will have no recollection of it.
My husband and I have also been reading “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson. He says that women are wired to remember dates because it's in our nature. (For some reason I'm blanking on the chapter this was in, but it is there!) I'm beginning to think that I'm not going crazy and that this is all just going to take some time. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one out there...
Don't get me wrong, I was looking forward to Mothers Day. The problem was that my heart wasn't really in the right place. My whole thinking for the weekend wasn't about who I am as a mom. I was more concerned with whether or not my husband was going to make up for last year or was he going to fail, yet again? Which in a way was already setting him up to fail, because my expectations were set way too high and there was no way for him (in my mind) to make up for last year.
I ended up having a wonderful Mother’s Day's. In my book, he made up for it. And to be honest... the thing that did it for me wasn't the trip to the zoo (though it was VERY awesome) or the brunch at his parents, but it was the card that he put so much THOUGHT into. He blessed me! I finally felt that my husband was affirming me as a mother and the words he said were so incredibly sweet.
All in all, I had a great Mother’s Day!
I hope all you mothers out there had the same!