I find myself annoyed and somewhat baffled at how some people can call you friend, yet show very little interest in you. Maybe it’s my own fault for thinking too highly of people or thinking of them as closer to me than they really imagine our friendship to be. I just assume that if we have been through a lot and spent a lot of time together, than our friendship really meant something. I guess I’m naive. I guess life REALLY doesn’t work like that.
It just sucks to know that you have tried to reach out, offer things, made yourself available but you just aren’t important enough for them to do the same back to you. It stings… it hurts… its utter rejection; it just makes me want to cry and everything inside me just wishes I didn’t care. Maybe this is God’s way of teaching me to be more open with other people, to show a side of myself that others might see in me and that I need to change. I can see how I might come off that way at times, but I don’t want to be like that anymore because I know how much it hurts.
Ha… I find myself ridiculous and quite childish right now… maybe even a little ashamed. I can see how this is then enemy hitting me right where it hurts. He is playing on my low self esteem and every ounce of my human insecurities and recent pains.
I know I’m bigger than this… but sometimes I think it’s ok to just say it SUCKS when people don’t really care as much as you thought they did! A rough part of reality just sunk in.