Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Where's My Focus?

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Was it my pride; was it a sense of achievement? My hopes of helping other people, by sharing the heartache I had walked through has only seemed to cause more heartache at times. My mind plays tricks on me and I start to feel inadequate. Is this who I really am? Is this who I really want to be? I thought I had done a good thing, I thought I had been honest; why are these feeling still controlling me?

My Aunt gave me this verse - Revelation 12:11, it says that one of the ways we overcome the enemy is by the word of our testimony. She is right, but the enemy can also attack you in other ways and sometimes come against you even stronger when you do share that testimony. Or is it more… is it more complex than even this?

To be honest, I’m disappointed and I’m incredibly frustrated with myself. My focus has changed, I have gotten carried away and in the process I’ve lost sight of why I started writing in the first place. It’s not about me; it’s not about who my friends are or who might even wants to hear my story. It’s about my God and how faithful He has been to have brought me and my family this far.

When I started writing this blog, my intentions were different. My heart was to share with others what God was teaching me; not only as a wife and mother but a Godly woman. This was a place where I could come and freely, write what the Lord was telling me; a safe place where He would talk to me and show me new insight into who He wanted me to be.

I was more real then, I wrote about real life in all its forms; just a girl trying to be honest and skip all the superficial appearances of a perfect life. I wanted to be different; I wanted to show that life wasn’t just a cookie cutter dream world. I felt alone, I felt like everyone else had their life put together but me. I know that no one really knows what’s going on behind closed doors, but sometimes blogs can be deceiving.

Maybe this is the root of all this attack. My focus has changed. I want to be that girl again who writes from the heart and seeks God for each and every word typed. I’m still here, that oh-so imperfect wife and mother that cried out to God daily to bring new life and restoration to her family. Faithfully, you did!

I know I have been missing something. My focus has been less about Jesus and more about me. I don’t want my blog to be about how cool my layout looks or how many followers I have. I want it to be about real life and how God is making it better. Making motherhood, marriage and life as a whole better, because that is what He has done and is doing.

What has your blog been about lately?

Reminder: Don’t forget about the GIVEAWAY!
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears."


Broken said...

Lyr, I love that you want to be real. I try so hard to be real. To just say what it is that is on my heart and show who I am. I pray every day that I'm doing just that. I'm so glad you feel the same way.

Praying for you

Jorden and Kristin said...

this was a great reminder! i try to be 100% real on my blog but sometimes it's hard because 1. my parents read this and 2. who wants to be the loser that fails? Thanks for this great reminder!

Katie said...

I think you have always come across real...I do not think for a moment you've come across different. And knowing you well in real life, that says a lot right? Now, I can't judge your focus, but as far as your actual writing--seems genuine to me sis.


Katelyn said...

Lyr, I feel you on that one. I so often find myself talking about just that, myself. I have been consciously trying to speak more openly about my faith on my blog and it has been terrifying. My relationship with God has always been a closely guarded part of my life and while many parts are still that way, I still feel incredibly vulnerable when I press "publish" on a post that is spiritually personal to me. I encourage you to allow God to use you boldly in your writing so His glory can be evident!

Susan said...

lyr, i love your honest heart. i just went through all your posts that i've missed over the last couple weeks and i'm so proud of you. you're touching so many lives through this blog so be encouraged! sure, the enemy likes to come in and attack us with pride, but you have a pure heart and God knows that.

i'm sending you lots of love from africa. hope you can feel it.

ps- you must come with me someday. :)

love your bff,

sarah said...

What a wonderful reminder!

Trina said...

Blogs can be deceiving. And even though I am a very open and real person, there are only certain things I want to share with the entire blogverse. I don't want to share the ugly parts because the wrong person might find my blog and I'll be sorry I did. (I have family, coworkers, ex-schoolmates, etc reading...)
And I think that's ok, as long as we keep the right perspective about it and not try to compare ourselves to others just by what we know from the blog. Most everyone just wants to share the good side. Like when you have company over you're going to make sure the house is clean, the kids are well behaved and you don't argue with your spouse in front of them. lol

But on the other hand, we all need to keep our focus like you said. If God has called your blog to have a certain focus than that should be it. So good for you for recognizing that it was shifting. It's good to step back and re-evaluate from time to time.

Gah, I feel like I've rambled and haven't made much sense. I hope it does. :)

julie and jon said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog! Your son is adorable!

Kameron said...

I guess it all depends on what your focus is for your blog. I started mine before I even realized that others besides my family and friends would be reading it. i am transparent in what I talk about, but I don't really feel comfortable sharing certain things with people I don't really know and trust.

I have seen a lot of personal attacks from complete strangers on people's comment sections. That makes no sense to me. If you don't have anything positive to say, you should just skip that person's blog.

I write about my daily life and try to document my son's (and soon my daughter's) childhood so I can look back later in life and remember all of the little things I know my memory will misplace.

SassyTimes said...

I think you always come off as real. We are all imperfect...that is what makes us who we are...unique. I think you can write about yourself, your awesome blog layout, your thoughts, feelings, fears, etc...and still remain true.

My blog isn't about what goes on behind closed doors. My blog is about paying attention to the small things each day that made me happy. I tend to get overwhelmed easily, get frustrated easily and forget how awesome the gift of life truly is. I'm sure my blog comes off as if I have a cookie cutter life, but we all know that isn't true. I have yet to find one person who has this life perfect. BUT, we all make the best of what we have...stay positive, be happy and life will be good to you.

Alicia said...

Hey girl! Don't be so hard on yourself. :) I think that a lot peoples' blogs show a "cookie cutter" life, but the reason I think this happens is because most people are just showing what they are proud of. We all are proud of at least one aspect of our lives whether it be our marriage, our friends, our family, or our career. It is a way to show that we are thankful for these blessings. I honestly don't think your blog is fake at all and I feel like I really know you. Honestly, there are blogs that I read and think "Gosh, they have the perfect life." Your blog is "real" is show the blessings of your life and also your struggles and that is what real life is. Hope you find the way to make your blog what you intended it to be. :)

Nathan and Whitney said...

Thank you for the comment on our blog, Lyryn. I just spend a couple hours reading through your blog. It is an amazing and inspirational story, I am so glad you let me know you enjoy our blog so that I could find yours. Nathan and I look forward to following you!

Carol said...

I'm so glad you found my blog so that I could find yours. Great post today, it really got me thinking. Sometimes I feel the same way and I just have to stop, and refocus on what the important things in life are.

Lucy Marie said...

What a great post. Thanks for stopping by my blog and becoming a follower. Good luck in the giveaway.

R. Wallis @ TrueBeauty said...

Great post! I understand that feeling...I get caught up in work and in life and in "stuff" and I loose my focus. The things of this world are only temporary, and I have to remind myself (a lot) to look at the big picture :)

Mrs. Dirnberger said...

My blog has been about the baby..but not about how God has blessed us but about the material things. Thanks for reminding me...This is a great blog post. I need to realize these things more!

kace said...

Such a great reminder! So often I take for granted all that God has blessed me with... not giving him the credit for the wonderful things in my life. Thanks for such an awesome post!!

MissJody said...

Sweetie, your blog is WHAT is important to you at that moment.
What is on your mind? What do you want to talk about? I believe that's why I started blogging, myself. Just an outlet for me blabbing and wanting opinions from others who don't know me... However,your right. None of us know what goes on behind close doors.

Your an extremely honest and sweet person. You do what you want to do. Your not doing anything wrong at all.
Be you.
That's why I follow you :)

Jessica said...

I don't know if I'll have a chance to get online tomorrow, but I wanted to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Hope it's a great one!

Terri said...

I love this post and it is sooo right up my alley! Blogs can be deceiving because fact is, you can never really know everything about a person, much less through a blog. That's why I only have a select few of blogs I read. I 'follow' people I know and have heard about through others I respect... The focus of my blog is to be as real as I can possibly be - through art, poetry, and some occasional mini-devotionals on whatever the Lord's been teaching me. It's been hard though because in the back your mind, you're always wondering what people will think about you and what you're writing; thus, skews the way we write... Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm writing for me and for God and other people's opinions don't matter.

Okay, I quit! I'm rambling. Sorry this is long! Yikes! ;)