I’m stunned; no, shocked how I pretty much fail at each of the types of love that God commands us to walk in. I felt like I would be good at one of these love commands, but each one goes deeper, to the most inner parts of my soul, and shows me how much I really suck at loving. I am beginning to realize how selfish an unloving I can be toward especially towards the people I care about most. It’s funny in a way, because sometimes the people you are closest to are the ones you end up whacking the hardest with your insensitivity.
Those who know me well can attest that I never forget anything. I have a mind like an elephant, so they say, and I can list every hurtful thing you’ve ever done to me. I know what you must be thinking, who would want to live like that?! Trust me when I say, I have NO FREAKING clue because I hate to remember things!! You did something to me 5 years ago and I’ll be able to name what you did and even how you said it, to hurt my feelings. I unfortunately really do NOT walk in keeping no records of wrong.
I seem to always remember both the big and little things that felt like a jab at who I am as a person. I sure wish I could forget the time in 6th grade when a bunch of 8th graders made fun of my clothes and shoes and said that I dressed like a penguin, since at the time I wore white shirts and black 80’s jeans all the time. What I was thinking in wearing that? I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter… but I can’t seem to forget the hurt it caused; since then I’ve never worn black jeans again. I can remember situations with a long distance relative that still get me annoyed, making it difficult to speak to them, even to this day. I can remember everyone in my youth group being mad at me for no good reason because the “popular “ girl said I wasn’t cool enough and how it made me feel so alone. I can remember the first time I met my sister-in-love and how we both gave dirty looks to one another; or how my other sister-in-law punched me because she was so mad. But the worst thing I keep record of is my husband’s infidelity. I want nothing more than to let it go and let us live our lives as new. But I still have a tendency to bring this “wrong” back on record and not love him as Jesus tells me to.
Digging deeper I realized this verse has a few different translations; whether you see it as no record of wrongs (NIV), love is not resentful (RSV) or look at it as simply that love holds no grudges (LB), I’m sure that we can all recall something we’ve held against someone and continued to reminded them of their failures. For me, I need to let the little things go and release the people that have repented free of this “judgment” that I have placed upon them. I must not bring up past failures and live in today and the promises that God gives us each day. Switchfoot has a song, “Dare You to Move,” that hits the nail on the head regarding this very thing. Moving on and living life as though the hurts of yesterday never happened. God, dare me to move!