Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

I’m stunned; no, shocked how I pretty much fail at each of the types of love that God commands us to walk in. I felt like I would be good at one of these love commands, but each one goes deeper, to the most inner parts of my soul, and shows me how much I really suck at loving. I am beginning to realize how selfish an unloving I can be toward especially towards the people I care about most. It’s funny in a way, because sometimes the people you are closest to are the ones you end up whacking the hardest with your insensitivity.

Those who know me well can attest that I never forget anything. I have a mind like an elephant, so they say, and I can list every hurtful thing you’ve ever done to me. I know what you must be thinking, who would want to live like that?! Trust me when I say, I have NO FREAKING clue because I hate to remember things!! You did something to me 5 years ago and I’ll be able to name what you did and even how you said it, to hurt my feelings. I unfortunately really do NOT walk in keeping no records of wrong.

I seem to always remember both the big and little things that felt like a jab at who I am as a person. I sure wish I could forget the time in 6th grade when a bunch of 8th graders made fun of my clothes and shoes and said that I dressed like a penguin, since at the time I wore white shirts and black 80’s jeans all the time. What I was thinking in wearing that? I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter… but I can’t seem to forget the hurt it caused; since then I’ve never worn black jeans again. I can remember situations with a long distance relative that still get me annoyed, making it difficult to speak to them, even to this day. I can remember everyone in my youth group being mad at me for no good reason because the “popular “ girl said I wasn’t cool enough and how it made me feel so alone. I can remember the first time I met my sister-in-love and how we both gave dirty looks to one another; or how my other sister-in-law punched me because she was so mad. But the worst thing I keep record of is my husband’s infidelity. I want nothing more than to let it go and let us live our lives as new. But I still have a tendency to bring this “wrong” back on record and not love him as Jesus tells me to.

Digging deeper I realized this verse has a few different translations; whether you see it as no record of wrongs (NIV), love is not resentful (RSV) or look at it as simply that love holds no grudges (LB), I’m sure that we can all recall something we’ve held against someone and continued to reminded them of their failures. For me, I need to let the little things go and release the people that have repented free of this “judgment” that I have placed upon them. I must not bring up past failures and live in today and the promises that God gives us each day. Switchfoot has a song, “Dare You to Move,” that hits the nail on the head regarding this very thing. Moving on and living life as though the hurts of yesterday never happened. God, dare me to move!


28 comments:

Jennifer said...

I remember watching my boyfriend Justin James write me love letters in Kindergarten and we would store them in the drawer next to the fridge. I remember seeing my first best friend and her mom walking up my driveway when I was 4. I remember what Matt was wearing the night I met him. I remember what I was wearing. My memory is INSANE as well, which unfortunately is a downfall too. Thanks for posting this, because it reminds me to freaking get over myself and move on! :)

Mrs. A said...

It would be wrong of me to say I know exactly how you feel but how could I? But, I too hold onto hurt until I just can't break through it. I'll be praying for you.

Melissa said...

Great post! It's so hard for women especially to let go of hurt. I loved the song!

Lauren said...

I think this is such a struggle for so many of us! I too wish I could sometimes just forget!

Carol said...

I agree, letting go of hurt is very hard. I was just talking to a co-worker/friend about this today how I'm really trying to stop focusing on all the little things that are bothering me and really focus on all the wonderful blessings in my life that God has given me. But I totally hear where you are coming from, why do we always focus on the negative stuff that shouldn't be important anymore?!

Jessica said...

I too retain hurtful things that have happened to me and I too wish I didn't remember those things so well. I've never had to deal with infidelity, so I can't really give you any advice on that. I wish the best for you and hope that you can move forward and not let those thoughts creep back in (I know it's easier said than done). From your blog you seem like a very strong and wonderful person, don't forget that!

Meredith said...

I also have a hard time letting go of things that have hurt me, and I have the bad habit of continuing to bring them up!

This was a great encouragement though!

Brittany Ann said...

Switchfoot is so powerful in this song! I forget until I hear it again!

Rachel H. said...

Such an encouraging song and post! Thanks! :)

Annie said...

i remember a lot of good and bad from my past. it's your choice to live in the past or the now.
you are a strong girl, love your posts :)
i hope you are doing well hun!!

Stephanie said...

I have this problem a bit too. I hold grudges and have a problem forgiving. This is something I need to work on. Thank you for a beautiful and heartfelt post!

PaigeR530 said...

I remember a lot of the hurt in my life too-what was said, how it was said, who was there, etc. It's easy to remember, it's difficult to forget. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't really believe in forgive and forget. I believe that remembering is a reminder of what not to do or say to others, because you were once there and know how it feels-and it helps you be a better person to not do those things that once hurt you. I believe that you can forgive and not hold a grudge without forgetting. Anyway, I'm rambling.
I always love your posts Lyr-they make me really think about things, and tug at my heartstrings. I miss our e-mails, we need to get back to that! :)

Shay said...

Your so right. I hold onto things all to much...I have to say, it is HARD to forget things that hurt you. Thank you (again!) for posting this, I needed to hear it.

Lilly, Matt, and Sara said...

Why is it that we remember the hurtful things so much more vividly than the things that make us feel good?? I am praying for you--that you will be able to "move".

Melissa G. said...

It's so easy to hang on the hurts people have done to us. But we'll have a much freer life if we can let go. Great post and a good reminder for all of us.

MissJody said...

I remember every single hurt too.
But I don't think about it, sweetie.
But it has made me the person I am today.
I'm so sorry your hurting. I wish there was something I could do?????You can e-mail me anytime.
I'll even send you my phone number if you ever want to talk.
My heart goes out to you
oxoxoxoxoxoxox

Christina said...

Very well said. Always love your honest heart.

xoxo

katie + bret said...

very fitting post for me today. let's just hang in there together, eh?

Jen said...

wow! that was a really heavy post. thank you for the reminder {aka slap in the face} & for being so honest. i agree with you on SO many different levels.

i see the reality that i hold grudges or am unloving to the people i love the VERY most continually. i guess its just an issue of comfort? where we know that they will continue to love us no matter how I act?

i think what is most helpful & so important to preach the gospel to ourselves daily. no one has ever greived us the way that we have greived our Father. no one has offended us the way that we have offended our perfect lord. and YET he loves us unconditionally. we can't withhold mercy {no matter how justified we feel in it} after recieving mercy so lavishly. Matthew 5:7
"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."

AND its not our place to play judge:
Romans 12:19
"Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord."

what a hard lesson to learn. but what an awesome example we have to follow after in knowing christ!

sorry this is so long & keep truckin'
Jen

Cara S. said...

Oh Lyr- I am so happy you wrote this post. I think you are totally not alone on this one. Many, many people (including myself) hold on to things and remember the past. It is NOT easy at all and it is always a struggle but you are fully aware of it and are working on it and that is more than half the battle. You went through a very traumatic experience very early on in your marriage but by the grace of God, you are able now to begin healing and dealing with these inner battles towards a lifetime of happiness with your husband.

morgan823 said...

That was such a good post today. I 've never been cheated on by my husband so I don't know how I would be in your situation. All I have to say is regardless of your wrongs, you are one amazing person. The fact that your even trying to make your marriage work speaks volumes about you. I don't know if I could do it. I remember things I don't want to remember either and find myself bringing them up and reminding the people that made me mad or hurt me when they do it again. I think everyone does that to an extent. Just try and be strong and know that we are all praying for you. :) And try not to beat yourself up so much. You didn't cause all this pain on yourself and your family and it's all going to take time, and that's ok so remember that! Ok I think I've just completely rambled the entire time. I hope it all makes sense! :)

Kyle and Amy said...

Hey Blogging/Facebook Friend! :) God is going to bless you for being open and honest with yourself first and foremost and then getting your "testimony" as I see it, out to your bloggers. Out of every post I have either read or posted myself, this has to be the best post I have ever read. You are so very very true in so much of what you say. It can be so very difficult to forgive those who have wronged us or even though they have hurt you, "love them anyway because Jesus tells us to". I know and can relate to so much of what you are trying to heal from. No not everything but enough that I can relate. I will try and find something encouraging to post on our blog today that will help you as you are trying to "find love for those who have wronged you and forgive". Bless your sweet heart! Thank you for your honesty and for opening up your heart and letting a few of us "in" to see more of who you are. Praise the Lord that there are people like you and me that see that we need to change or find forgiveness within us. But I know that it is so hard when you have been wronged or let down. I will pray that the grace of God will comfort you as you continue to grow in Him and in His word! Love from you Sister in Christ in Georgia! :)

Melanie said...

I just love how you are going over Corinthians! It is one of my favourite verses (along with a great deal of the female population tee hee) but it is true thinking about what each part REALLY means makes you look at it differently. I love your interpretation and in depth look at this verse!

Kait said...

You are not alone in this one, friend. I too have a really hard time letting go, and I have a horrible habit of bringing it up over and over again. Hopefully someday we can all let go and move on :) hugs!

chelsea said...

I have thought about this a LOT lately too...praying and praying to really have the strength to forgive and move on, as a lighter person. And I repeat to myself, those who anger you, conquer you. Not on my watch!

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

Great post! I seem to hurt the ones closest too me-with my words sometimes. I hate that I do that because I know I love them most! I hold onto things Forever too! My husband is the complete opposite and forgives and literally forgets VERY quickly! I have tried to mimic that trait of his!

Jules said...

I always read the Corinthians verse and thought "oh how sweet" but recently I re-read it and REALLY listened to the words. My discovery was similar to yours. I fall short more than I want to admit. Definitely some room to grow and learn! Good thoughts (=

Michelle said...

It is such a hard lesson to learn. I am not good at it either. I have been married and divorced and remarried. My first husband cheated on me not once but over and over again. That was not the only reason our marriage failed but as hard as I tried to forgive and not live in the past it was always in the back of my mind.

Keep at it! God can bring you through anything!

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