Monday, October 11, 2010

Facebook Addiction

My name is Lyryn.
And I'm and addict.
My drug of choice...

Yesterday I was on (yes you guessed it...) Facebook and an old friend from high school posted this link to an article from Relevant Magazine that brought conviction over me like God Himself was whacking me in the head. This article entitled Is Facebook Killing Our Soul?, written by Shane Hipps; confirmed even more in my spirit what God has been telling all along and to kick this terrible habit called Facebook.

I must say that THIS is not my proudest moment. Who in the world ever admits to being addicted to a social networking site? Not anyone I know... But unfortunately this is a problem I
can't seem to run away from. It's controlling. I allow it to be controlling. Much like pornography can be for many men. It sucks you in, chews you up and then spits out a word vomit of lies. Then you do everything you can to step away from it, but because of it's intrigue you willingly go back. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Facebook is pornography in anyway. (I can hear the Facebook Lover lynch mob coming for me now) I'm just saying that Facebook (for ME) is like that addiction/cycle that just keeps me from getting to a place I need to be emotionally and spiritually.

I recently have been very aware about how Facebook has been effecting me. And for someone who already has self esteem and acceptance issues... Facebook only makes me that much more self conscious, emotional and flat out bi-polar. What's worse... is that those same emotions reflects right back into my status updates.

Lookout, crazy girl on the loose!

I find myself checking my phone frequently to see who posted a new status. Who's on, What my friends are up too, did anyone comment on my status, etc. I'm finding that I care too much about what people say or as is often the case... don't say.

Pathetic? I know... trust me, I know. At this very moment there is a HUGE arrow over my head, pointing down with the words "lunatic" in bright bold colors. I feel stupid even saying it, writing it. I mean, indulge a lunatic and think about you for a second. Have you ever found yourself being really excited to post a status because you thought it was funny and you would get lots of comments? Have you ever been disappointed that no one commented on a status/picture/link that you thought was "comment" worthy? Have you ever been sad or felt left out of something because a friend posts about being out with another mutual friend? I. Could. Go. ON... but i won't.

In all this insanity, I am aware that most of this is lies from the enemy telling me that I will never measure up, be loved enough, be smart enough or ever be able to keep a lasting relationship with anyone because I'm just too emotional and hyper sensitive. Yep... all that.

But I also know that my God can do anything. I know that at this season in my life He is humbling me and teaching me how to "properly" measure up to who God wants me to be. Teaching me that love is unconditional and no matter what He will always love me. Reaffirming me that there is an intelligent writer within me that has something valuable to say. Reminding me that I need to find my fulfillment and comfort in Him, not the temporary affirmation I feel from a comment or blog posting. Maybe I should start a Hisbook web page where we post prayers... I don't know, something to rekindle the relationship that many of have lost in all these layers of electronic connections.

I mean, think about all I could be doing during that time while I'm checking Facebook. There are so many different things that could occupy my time, spur on growth and cultivate relationships with the people I have Facetime with. I feel like I need to reiterate that I am not encouraging a boycott on Facebook, but at this stage in my life and growth I feel like it is a stumbling block, something that is reinforcing my struggles and diminishing my strengths.

Have you ever gotten lost in the intrigue of relationships that you find on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or any other social networking forum?


Leigh said...

Lyryn I can SO relate to this post. This is why I frequently "quit" FB and remove my profile, only to eventually go back on a few months later. I tried to cut down all my friends to just immediate friends/family that I actually see since I was driving myself crazy with stalking/following all these random people from different walks of my life. Do I really need to know what some girl from high school did last weekend? Or look at every single picture of her engagement party? NO!!! But do I look and obsess? Of course!

I guess for many people FB is a fun distraction that they can pop onto every now and again but for the most part ignore. But I feel much like you do - I pay way too much attention and end up feeling jealous about what people's fabulous lives or how attractive they are or their great vacation, etc. etc.

I. hear. your. noise. sister. You're not alone! :)

Kristin Williams Balla said...

Beautifully said! We all need to understand what (who) our idols truly are and make sure they are the ones we really desire.

Bethany said...

Lyryn, Thank you for posting this! I quit face book about a year ago I think...? Maybe more now. There was a whole list of reasons, and recently I've been drawn back to it, going in to Matt's FB (which he never uses) to check on things, oh just a quick picture to see how so and so is doing... It was (still is??) an addiction for me too. I forgot until I read all that you wrote and it just rung so true. I think I felt strongly about FB's policies, owning practically everything you ever submit to FB, but I had erased or just forgotten about the whole emotional side of it. I was convicted that I was just too self-centered through it and I always wanted people to look at me me me me me on FB, just like you said, what can I post or comment or whatever to get people to come and leave comments. Thanks for the great big reminder, now I can leave it in peace once again, but I still truly think I'm not past that point especially spiritually. I could (or more like should) just pick up my Bible instead. So I'm grateful to you for your vulnerable post!!

Erin said...

i used to be so obbsessed with facebook but now I love twitter. I honestly feel like I can relate to more of my blogger friends then my friendsin real life. I feel like most of my blogger friends are in the same spot in life if not close so we can talk about things and have lots more in common..

love me twitter but don't get me wrong i sure do love facebook too!

find me

erin ciardelli schuler !!

Katie said...

Very eloquently put, Lyryn. If you are finding yourself struggling with it, wouldn't it easier to just delete it and avoid the temptation all together?

And as for your last statement, I in, fact LOVE my friends that I've met via blog and twitter. They are indeed, FRIENDS to me. They have shown me friendship more then some of my friends in real life have (sending emails, calls, texts, sending carts, gifts, etc). I have really learned to appreciate them so much and just because they arent here face to face does not mean there is not real relationship there.

Just my own personal feelings!

Elizabeth said...

Lyryn...THIS is what so many people including myself big time has been needing to hear/see. YOU said it so well. Thank you for posting this! :)

Renae said...

Love it! Just substitute your name for Renae and it could be me writing it.
Thank you so much for posting this! It seems to be my lifeline to so many friends and family I don't think I could ever go without. So sad.

Kameron said...

I tend to get sucked into Twitter. I have been trying to participate less. I don't want my kids to remember mommy with her BlackBerrry in her hand at all times and miss out on the more important stuff. I try now not to have my phone out when the kids are awake. I stumble frequently, but am making progress!

Megan said...

I get caught up on FB a lot, like too much! Such a good post, it is hard to believe that a social network can somewhat "rule" our time. I am also a junkie for email and blogging :)

Trina said...

Um, you're so not alone... lol

I do that a lot with my blog and Twitter more than Facebook, but yeah, I obsess about how many comments I get, etc, etc. I start to get down about it and I have to realize what I'm doing and DECIDE to quit thinking about it. Its tough, but I love being able to share things via my blog, I just wish I didn't get crazy about feedback so much.

PS I've missed your blog! My workplace doesn't block blogger anymore, so I hope to be reading/commenting more often!

LeAnna said...

It is SO wonderful to know that I'm not alone. I'm not sure how I missed this post of yours!! Amen, is right. Thank you for sharing!

Annette said...

Wow! I thought I was the only one in the world who felt this way! I'm glad I'm not! :) Thanks for posting- I'm going to share your link on my blog- Thank you!