These past few months I have been trying really hard to find who I am and what truly makes me happy. Don't misunderstand me, I LOVE being a mom and I love being home with my kids, but sometimes as a mom you find yourself losing who you are in the day-to-day things. My identity is slowly turning into how good or how bad of a mom I am. And most of the time... I don't give myself enough credit. I'm my own worst enemy.
I feel like that girl that is always mediocre. I'm not terrible, but knows there's always someone who is more creative, a better writer, more artistic, or anything... I'm... just... plain Jane. I want to find something that I'M good at, find something that makes ME... me. I know that nothing I do will really satisfy this longing. Only Jesus can do that for me. But there are things that make me happy that I just do peruse hard enough. Things that I feel that I am good at and can always get better at and really show my true self and talent.
I said in one of my facebook status' about a week back, that when I grow up I want to be a photographer and a cake decorator. Well, they are defiantly two things that make me happy no matter what (besides my kids and my husband). I feel like those two things, (though there ARE people better than I) are things I'm really good at. I feel like its an outlet that not only helps me be me, but also something I can succeed at and see myself loving it forever. Everyone wants to be happy, right?
So, my goal for November is to (1.) shoot lots and lots of photos this month. I have two new AMAZING lenses that I just got that I'm already in love with. And I have my very first wedding this coming Saturday that I'm super excited about. So I can't wait to see what comes out of that! I have also been tossing around (in my head) doing some sort of monthly photo challenge on my blog. I've done this before but only a few people played so I'm not sure how great that would be... but I am still thinking about it.
And (2.) Make and decorate a cake each week. After Jayden's birthday cake, I have had a million ideas and have been itching to do another cake. So this week I decided to make a Halloween cake! I'm not into ghouls and goblins... so I just made this simple black and orange cake. It looks like my mom's office, so I know someone will like it! Haha! This is what I made...So now I have 4 more weeks of making cakes and I need some ideas. I have got the first two weeks covered. Next week I am going to be making this super cute owl cake. The next week I am going to be making a cake for my BFF who is hosting a party and I have SUCH a great idea for that one... But then I'm stuck... so suggestions are welcome. :)
I think I will really find my creative outlet doing these two things. Again, there will always be somebody better and someone more talented, but maybe, just maybe I can bring something to the table no one has thought about yet. Who knows.
I know God has a plan and a purpose for me, but I need to find peace in just resting in His arms. I must remind myself that I am special, I am creative, I am talented and gosh darn-it if no one else likes me or my work, I know that my Father in heaven is still proud of me for giving it a try. And that's always a good first step in the right direction.
So tell me, whats your creative outlet...