Wednesday, April 20, 2011

July 21st 2008 – Part Two

If you are just joining us now, I would recommend that you read this journey from the beginning. If you have already read most of it and are just missing yesterday's story go here.

After my quick chat on the phone with Lauren I gathered up my son and his belongings, knowing I could not just sit at the house and wait. My mind in a million different places, I was still being a terrible mother and completely forgot to pack extra diapers. I did however remember to bring a bottle so he did not starve. I got my pastor on the phone and started driving to where Lauren was living. My pastor (who had married us and knew that there was something going on with Jesse) had few words to say but knew my heart was breaking, so he just prayed for me.

I had no idea what to expect when I got to her house, but I felt I had a right to let the family that she was living with know what had just happened. The worst part in all of this was that the husband and wife of the family were like a brother and sister to me. (The family’s name has been changed to respect their privacy) I knocked on the door and Josh answered. I asked if Kelly (his wife) was there, but he said that she had just stepped out. I stayed outside on the front stoop and just broke down, spewing so much word vomit it would have made anyone sick. I didn’t go there with the intention of doing that and I probably said some things I shouldn’t have said about Lauren. Then again, my heart had just been ripped out of my chest.

Josh completely understood and was just as upset at the situation. I went there fearing the worst judgment of all from them since my husband had messed around with the girl living in their home. To my surprise it was the complete and opposite reaction - more understanding and empathy, than judgment and anger. Don’t misunderstand… He was pissed! He felt equally betrayed and taken advantage of. He and Kelly had been  lied to, deceived and manipulated during this time, so it was just as much a heartbreak to to them as it was to me.

All of a sudden a million light bulbs were going off in Josh’s head. Things were finally making sense! All those trips to Walmart, all those outings to the movies by herself. So much made sense now. I told him about the meeting I set up with Lauren. He said he was going to talk to Kelly first and wanted to make sure all of us were at the meeting with Lauren later, so that they could mediate if necessary. I was completely ok with that, thanked him for listening, and went on my way.

The next person I wanted to see was my good friend Kerstin who had been walking this out with me. If anyone could understand what I was going through, it would be her. She is an amazing person who has truly taught me to love the Lord with all my heart (just like my mother-in-law) and to love my husband with the passion of Christ. She and her husband’s testimony is amazing story in itself, and is also a great story of God’s love and faithfulness… but that’s her story to tell. She had been counseling me through this process so I drove directly to her house. When I got there she was on her way out, so I arrived there just in the knick of time. All I had to do is pull up beside her and say, “He finally told me and it was her.” She got out of her car in tears and gave me a big hug and started praying for me. She had to go pick up her kids so I needed to let her go, but we promised to talk that night.

My next stop was my in-laws. I wanted to talk to my mother-in-law who had seen this happen in her own marriage, and maybe find some hope in all this craziness, but the only ones home were my father-in-law and sister-in-law. I walked in with Jayden and had tears running down my face. I said, “I wanted you guys to know that Jesse just admitted to having an affair and he wants a divorce.” His sister (bless her heart) said, “Who is she and where can I find her to kick her ass?” She was so angry at her brother and questioned why he would do this after watching their dad do it to their mom. On the other hand, I was puzzled about why my father-in-law showed little emotion. It didn’t even seem to faze him for one second. He didn’t even get up from the couch to give me a hug. I was so taken aback and completely hurt. Few words were spoken and I chose to leave. My sister-in-law gave me a big hug and said that it would be ok. It was nice of her to say, but things weren’t looking hopeful.

I was now on my way to where my family was all stationed. My brother and sister-in-law had just bought their new house that day. I had already called them to give them a heads up about what I had just found out, but I felt terrible driving there because the last thing I wanted to do was steal their joy on this great day of buying their first home. I can still remember that morning getting a text from Kate saying that they were finally home owners and how happy I was for them and hearing how happy they were. The last thing I wanted to do was rain on their parade.

When I got there my entire family was there along with my BFF. They were all very supportive and rightfully angry with Jesse and with what had just happened. We all gathered around in their new beautiful kitchen and pow-wowed about all the things that finally made sense. We talked about all the things we had questioned during these past 4 months and finally realized the truth about everything. It all made sense now. I stayed there until I was ready to go meet with Lauren. My mom offered to take Jayden so I didn’t have to worry about him not eating or being fussy. My BFF agreed to come with me so she could watch the family’s kids while we were all meeting together. By now I was in such a numb state, it looked like I was completely over it. In reality it was me just coping with all that had happened and all that was about to happen.

It was now time for me to speak to the woman that had stolen my husband’s heart…and I had no idea what to expect.



Come back for part three tomorrow…

17 comments:

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

You didn't rain on our parade. I do remember sending you that text when we got the keys that morning, too! I'm sorry that rehashing this probably brings up so much for you. xo

Tonja said...

I think your an amazingly strong woman to be able to go back and relive thise feelings.

You should read my post today :) You were my inspiration!

Meredith said...

Wow Lyr, this post was super intense. I can just imagine how everything started clicking for you :(

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

I have all these emotions running through me atm. one question: who is kelly? maybe I read it wrong but i can't figure out how she fits in :$

Hailey said...

Yeah, like Kate said, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to go back and feel all of this again. I just hope Jesse is right behind you, giving you hugs and constant reminders that he loves you. :) Again, you're amazing for sharing this journey. Can't wait for the God's redemption to start showing up in these posts. :)

Anonymous said...

I wanted to post a question for you to answer Friday. (If you plan on answering questions Friday)

Was Jesse mad at how many people you confided in? Or that you went to his own family and told them? I'm not sure, but it seems like he would have wanted the opportunity to tell them first.

I personally loved how you handled things. I don't know what I would do in a similar situation, but I think I'd be ashamed (even though like you, did nothing wrong) and bottle it all up inside. I love that you went to those that mean the most to you. :)

Deanna said...

Wow. This is an incredible post. I've been following your blog for sometime but rarely comment. Praise God that your marriage was healed!

Becky said...

Amazing story...I haven't gone through anything quite this bad in my own 10 year marriage, but we've definitely been at the breaking point. Thank you for sharing, esp when I can already tell from the pictures that this story has a happy ending.

Anonymous said...

A couple of questions for Friday..
what do you think would've happened if Lauren hadn't of told her husband. also, did your father-in-law ever explain why he acted that way? do you think he already knew? i find it interesting that my dad (who had multiple affairs on my mom) has the opposite reaction when he hears of someone having an affair. i would've immediately gone to his parents and my family too especially after all the deceipt. i like that the couple was willing to mediate for you!

Nessa said...

I am so amazed at how you reached out for your family and glad that you had so many people to support you.

Is there a reason why your father-in-law didn't say anything? Had he been the one to have an affair? How long before this?

LucieP said...

Lyrn!
No words can express how I feel.

Loving like the Passion of the Christ is an amazing statement!!!

Nessa said...

I am so glad that you had family and friends to support you and that you went to them. That took courage and a lot of trust.

I was wondering if there was a reason why your father-in-law didn't say anything to you when you went there? Was he the one who had an affair too? How long ago?

Sorry for all the questions. You really shown a lot of strength in how you handled the situation, strength and grace.

Hi, I'm Susan! said...

praying for you this week my dear. you are so brave for sharing this. thinking back on those days is hard, but God's redemptive beauty is evident TODAY! love you! call/text/email me whatever, whenever. :)

Megon said...

Ill be back tomorrow - I look forward to seeing the transforming power of the Lord that took place in your lives. Thanks for being brave enough to share - these struggles show the strength that is possible with Him.

kranberrys said...

I feel like I am walking every step of this story with you it is AMAZING how similar what you went through and what I am going through are... The one thing that killed my heart was in one of your earliest posts you said something about not telling anyone and everyone because you love Jesse and "who does that anyways" well I tell you that that is exactly what I did...word vomit and be a victim for months and hundreds of people know what my husband did and you were right to keep it reigned in... I am now doing major damage control from my hurtful words... so I pray God can take this mess and make it into something beautiful...

Thanks you so much for sharing your story it gives me hope since I am right in the middle of all of it.

The Misters Wife said...

Thank you for sharing. It is interesting to hear it from your end of the story. I am on the other end. I have read alot the past two nights and am so grateful that God has given you the strength and courage to share this story. I have to admit I love when people ask us questions, they only ask because we have chosen to share, but we choose to share so others can see Gods redeeming love in us. Thank you.

Alicia said...

I can imagine how much healing this also brings to your marriage. Just knowing how much you are helping other people deal with this is a blessing in itself. Big hugs to you and Jesse for being so open and honest.

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