Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Perfect Ingredients for Disaster

As easily as God can open one door and then close another in your life; we can choose to ignore His leading. This can allow Satan to sneak a trap door below your feet without you ever knowing it was even there and sending you plummeting to your demise. Most of us have faced these trap doors in our lifetime, often we tend to face them more when our focus has shifted away from God and more on finding ways to fulfill our selfish needs. I can clearly remember that God was not center of our home. I can remember how wrapped up I was in being a new mom and having my perfect little life together. Unfortunately, that is also the time when we were most vulnerable for lies and bitterness to take root.

The first few ingredients were added by me. One new mommy, basted in depression blending it with being completely overwhelmed; finishing it off with a dicey, insecure wife. Jesse and I had just had our first child. Our world had changed in a matter of moments. I was a new mommy and I thought I had everything under control or at least I wanted to act like I did. I silently struggled with postpartum depression because to admit that I was depressed meant I was not fit to be a mother. I did not want to appear weak. I did not want to look as bad as I felt. I attempted to fight this battle on my own, which in hindsight ended up setting the stage for more pain than I could have even imagined.

Add in a dash of self pity and an undiagnosed bi-polar husband. Now things were starting to get messy. Jesse, unhappy with his life direction and wanting to do more with his talents, started giving up. Dissatisfied with me and questioning every decision he ever made was just making him more and more angry with life and who he had become. He began to feel stuck, trapped, like his life meant nothing. He was no longer speaking to me, so he had to vent somewhere. Work and co-workers were just the place for that.

Before stirring, import a chick from half-way across the country. Then let the loneliness of her husband being overseas simmer for a month or so. Can you see the steam rising on this one? Lauren (her name has been changed to respect her privacy) was new to town and started a job where both my husband and I worked. Knowing only a handful of people must have been hard. I could understand and I had compassion for her.

I started inviting her to bible study so she could get to know people. I even asked her to hang out once or twice.  After a month or so she stopped wanting to come to bible study. She even stopped talking to me. Something wasn’t right; my “wife radar” was up and in high alert. But even though I had suspicions, I just didn’t want to believe she was capable of anything like that. She really was/is a sweet person, married, and a Christian woman who grew up in an amazing family. I just didn’t want to believe it.  I didn't want to believe my husband could either!  But in the depths of my soul… something told me I was right. 

Bake in some insecurities that had been stewing all my life and sprinkle on a touch of bitter root expectation. You, my friend, will have yourself the best daytime drama in HISTORY.  I guess all that would be true if this whole thing was fiction, but unfortunately lives were changed because of this crazy concoction.  In no way am I making an excuse for what would then lead to something even more. I’m just saying that the devil will always find a way to make even the most unlikely ingredients work together to make a complete and utter disaster.

This is why I think that we need to be praying for our marriages and our families daily. When we’re not focused on the Lord we are less prepared to handle what the enemy has in store for us because he is always out to steal, kill and destroy. The Word says, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Eph 6:13

Let us take our families back! Husbands and wives pray together, pray for the protection over your home daily. The enemy has no right to make trouble there. We must always be on guard because anything could set in motion the perfect ingredients for Disaster.

Click the link below for the song of the day

27 comments:

Kate said...

Beautiful description. Lyr, this journey is so important. Thank you for sharing so candidly. You are changing lives!

Rachel said...

My husband was suffering from depression, and it really explained a lot! Even though he never cheated, he was seeking things, anything, to make him happy in that moment. With bi-polor, I can imagine it would be the same, except worse. I'm glad you uncovered and and he's hopefully getting treatment :).

I never talked about it because a lot of people think mental disorders are excuses or it's just a "bad mood" and I didn't think anyone would understand. I really feel for you because you definitely had a recipe for disaster there. I'm so glad things are better for you and your family.

Mrs. Dirnberger said...

You are so brave....for telling the story. It will truely help other couples!!!

Katie A. said...

Oh how I recognize those ingredients all too well. And it's amazing how they just seem to slowly simmer to perfection, so slow that sometimes you're in the middle of the storm before you even realize it's happened! Thank you for sharing that song also. I actually hadn't heard it yet, but loved it!

Cara S. said...

What an awesome start to this series Lyr! God always has a plan! If there is one thing I have learned in my own experiences is that GOD will bless a mess! Can't wait to read the rest of your series and hear from others! Love ya, and am praying for you, your blog, your writing, and your readers!

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Jessica said...

I'm already getting attached.

Lauren said...

I hate to even say that I'm enjoying these posts, but thank you for being so incredibly transparent. God is definitely using you!

Trina said...

Lyryn, I pray even just writing this has healing effect on you and Jesse both! You are in my prayers friend!

Kim said...

I love this post. I have told you through FB that you are strong for telling your story. I will continue to tell you that. I love the way you write this post as a recipe. It is a perfect description and I can't wait to read tomorrows. (p.s. Love the song attached/it is a powerful one...it was actually playing before you came over this morning)

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

I truly agree that it's important to pray with our families all the time. Great post! This is going to be an awesome month!

Jarod said...

This illustrates one of the reasons I believe we (Christians) need to do a better job of opening up our lives to each other. The names and places and some of the circumstances change from story to story, but it's all based on the same lies from the enemy. It's not like he's really coming up with new material here, so hearing someone else's story helps recognize these lies in our own lives. So thank you again for sharing! I also thought the song choice was spot on. Rarely do we go straight from actively seeking God to diving head first into the most destructive sins ... it's almost always a slow fade, and it all starts with a "little" lie from the father of lies.

Hailey said...

You're so right. Thank you for the reminder to continue to pray, not only just for my husband, but for our marriage.

Chicago Mom (Heather) said...

This could happen to any of us. No marriage is safe and a 100% guarantee. Nothing in life is.. Men don't cheat because of the wife. They do it because of something within themselves...I really do believe that. Often the person they cheat with is "less of a catch" if you know what I mean.

You are so right - the Devil can take hold of our lives and hearts. Like I said, it could happen to anyone.

Your story is spellbinding (and heart-breaking). Postpartem depression is a scary thing and why don't we talk about it more? We should!

Can't wait to read tomorrows installment. Praying for you.

Danielle said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! Right now, my husband and I are working with two couples whose marriages are really struggling. Sharing your heartbreak with such straightforwardness is inspiring to others. Thank you, thank you, thank you! God is using you to do amazing things!

Anonymous said...

How did you handle your feelings toward the "other woman"? I hope that I never see the "other woman" again, but I find it hard to get closure because it's like I want to tell her face to face just how much she hurt me. I know it sounds funny, but if she had been a stranger it would have been easier for me to deal with. The fact that I considered her a friend makes it hurt even more...also the fact that we have a lot of friends in common, and now I feel weird around them, even though they know nothing about what happened.

The affair is months over, and my husband and I are working very hard to make our marriage work. Still, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what happened...I am just wondering if it ever gets easier.

Lyr said...

I will answer questions on Friday. :)

Melissa said...

The power of prayer in a marriage is so very important! Thank you for that reminder!

Angie said...

I love these posts...you are an amazing writer!!

Anonymous said...

Wow. I completely relate with the above anonymous comment. But I did talk to the other woman. I called her from my husbands phone and gave her a serious piece of my mind. It was in no way Christ-like, for sure.

And then I felt horrible.

This wasn't her fault. My husband made the choice. She was the other party, but my husband is a strong man. He could have (should have) walked away, but he didn't. It was his choice.

So then I texted her and apologized. I just felt bad and I needed to apologize for my own conscience. Sounds weird (and a bit sick), but it's just what I thought God wanted me to do.

I never heard back from her and that is a blessing and a curse.

The LaJeunesse Family said...

I'm so proud of you friend!

Megan said...

I can relate all to well with this, and that in itself hurts. No one wants to believe that they can go through this or that their husband is capable of something so hurtful. Truth is more and more this becomes true in relationships that let the devil inside. I did confront the other woman, more than once and with hate in my voice. I wanted nothing more than to rip her apart. But like someone said above it was my husband too that I was to blame, and myself for allowing this to happen. Lyr, you are so strong and I am gaining so much from these posts, I cannot wait for the answer portion on Friday and the upcoming post that you will share. I guess my question is the same as anonymous; Did you confront her? Ask her what she was thinking in all of this? Why/how could she be a part of this when you had tried to befriend her? I want to thank you again for opening up your heart and sharing your story with me and many others!

Happy Girl. said...

I just want to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I journeyed down this road ~4 years ago. As I was lying on a table, trying to get pregnant ( via AI ) my husband began the journey down a very wrong path. It destroyed our marriage, and we had to start building again ~ brick by brick. 2 years later our daughter, our miracle came a long--Had I never forgiven him, and fought for our marriage...we would not have her. Marriage is work..there are so many times where I question him..it is not easy. As I read your posts, I just am so thankful that you are sharing your story..Your words have the power to heal. Thank you.

Melanee said...

you are so brave. i would never have the courage to share this.

A Lil Story said...

Thank you for sharing your heart- and I know God will bless you and your family for your courage in telling your story. :)

Lots of Love! Lily

Alicia said...

Wow..I can already tell that this is going to be such a blessing to so many women. But, you're right..we should never let our guard down. That is when then enemy will surely attack. God bless you, Lyr!!!!! I am continuing to pray!

Erin said...

you truly are brave. I am really enjoying this series and learning a ton about myself and my marriage. enjoying it for those reasons not because people should have to go through this but because you are brave and strong enough to share this with us. So for that I thank you.

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

I'm just catching up on my Google Reader and will be reading all your posts today. My Church is just finishing up a series on Christian marriages and I totally agree that we need to be focusing/praying on marriages everyday. Thanks for sharing all of this!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...