Wow, when you think you've hit rock bottom and you feel like everything has hit you so hard, always remember to look back because the kitchen sink is not to far behind. I never thought life would get so hard; I use to think, I'm a good Christian girl, nothing too terrible will ever happen to me. I know, right? Can you believe how naive I was! Even good Christian girls sin, and every sin big or small affects our lives in some way. It just happens that the affects of my sin are all falling on me at one time. But, I have to believe that God has a plan and that after this is all done, I will be a changed woman.
I’m already seeing little change; I'm beginning to know more about who I am in Christ, and that he is my refuge in any situation. I’m learning to be a stronger person in my relationship and in my home. I'm being to understand how important being a wife truly is and how important we are to our husbands even though they might not treat us that way. I'm learning how to walk in deeper intimacy with my Lord. I'm more aware that pleasing people is not the way to their hearts, but being real and honest builds real relationship. I’m learning that when trust is broken, you have to start all over again. But most of all, I’m learning I’m not alone in this battle; I have people who love me and won’t jump ship when things get hard.
Last night, Phil Car….not even going to attempt to spell his last name, was speaking at the church I grew up in, laughed in, cried in, found the love of my life in, and married in. He is an amazing speaker, and puts things in such a difference perspectives for people. He took us to the scripture where Jesus calms the storm in Mark 4: 35-41. Now, almost anyone that goes to church knows the story of Jesus and the disciples getting caught in the storm. It’s one you’ve heard over and over and you kind of dread when your pastor decides to preach on it because you’ve heard it a million times. You know? To my amazement this time, that wasn’t the case.
God knew it was exactly what I need to hear, and I believe it touched Jesse in some way too. It was about Faith and unity; relationship and togetherness. How I got all of that from only 7 lines of scripture is beyond me, but God really spoke to my heart. Jesus didn’t abandon ship then, and he won’t when we’re in a storm; and since Christ is in us we should never abandon ship on any relationship we are in. It might not always be easy but in time, Jesus will calm that storm for us too.