Given the circumstances, it has been really hard to write these entries on love. I haven’t been in any kind of mood to love; and it’s been really making me think about how people love me. I know there was a reason God told me to study this chapter, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t. All I can say is LOVE is hard! You go through life thinking you know something, just to have it be flipped upside down and ripped from you, and then you must start all over again in your thought processes. It just goes to show… that we haven’t figured it all out yet, and I know God made it that way for a reason.
Never did I image going through so much by the time I turned 26. Falling in love, getting married, having a baby, being a single mom, having my whole world fall apart before my eyes. My body feels like it’s forty already, that can’t be normal! I’m not sure I’m ready to get into major details right now, but I am beginning to realize that your life isn’t going to stay a secret; and if you have already come to grips with that, than why not be an open book to the people around you? You’re only kidding yourself if you think others don’t notice there’s something going on… especially if you’re anything like me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, so it’s VERY easy to see when I’m dealing with something.
I’m also beginning to realize that I might not be the only one out there. And that people can be encouraged by what I have been through and how much it has changed my life for the better. Bottom line is that if you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll never think people are being honest with you. So instead of always worrying about what people are going to say about you or point their fingers in shame of what you or someone close to you has done, remember… everyone has secrets and it’s only a matter of time till God exposes them.
So, even though there are so many questions in my head and bad thought to overcome… I believe that God has brought me through. The first half of the year has given me life experiences that I’m not to sure I am willing to give up. I learned that I am a stronger woman than I ever thought I could be. I learned who my identity was in and who it wasn’t in. I learned that anything could be thrown my way and still I would get up and brush off the dirt. I learned that Jesus in my husband and he would never fail me. I learned that I know when God is talking to me and I must obey him. I learned that I’m not half bad at being a mommy. I learned that I have the best family and friends in the world.
So would I change what I went through… no, I can honestly tell you NO! Yes… everything about it sucks, and I WILL never allow myself to live through it again, but I believe that it has not only made me a stronger person, but my family stronger and I can only hope it will make my marriage stronger. You know what they say… What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Going forward, I have to hold onto the promise God has spoken into my life and not worry about the “What if’s.” He is my love, and who helps me love, because he loved me first.
Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6