Depression is showing its ugly face more than ever before. It’s like a dark cloud that covers every part of me. The enemy has a way of telling me that this is all my fault and I deserved what I got. He whispers to me “You should have seen it coming; God showed you all the signs; you’ve seen this before, he is always going to fail you; Once a heart breaker, always a heart breaker. You drove him to it; you’ll drive him to it again. If it weren’t for you, your life would be normal and happy.” I’m not sure how much more I can take. I know it’s all lies, but I just can’t fight anymore. My body and mind say give up now!
With my face covered in tears and my head towards the ground, I have some words with my Lord and Savior. I can assure you, they weren’t pretty, and they weren’t sweet; more like an angry teenage girl yelling at her mother. I could feel him there… I gave all that I had; He gently pointed me in the right direction when he gave me Psalm 3: 1-4.
“Lord, how my adversaries have increased! Many are they that rise up against me. Many are they which say of my soul, there is no help for him in God. But thou, O Lord, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and he heard me out of his Holy Hill.
Something inside calmed, and peace just settled over me. I felt a warm touch on my back and then Hebrews 13:5 came to me, “Never will I leave you or forsake you.” My heart broke again and I stood before him humbled. Where did that strength I once had go? Can I ever be that strong again?
I believe I can, it’s just going to take time. I just need to keep pressing forward, don’t ever give up or let the enemy win the battle of my mind. It’s easier to just give up, but there is such an amazing blessing to those who walk out their troubles with Him. He is my refuge and my strength and he will get me through to the other side.