Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Generations

Growing up, did you ever say yourself, “I will never,” when referring to something your parents did when parenting you when you were younger? Have you ever come across a family where the father struggled with an addiction, his son seems to have been 'handed it' pretty well, but then too fell short just like his father, and then later come to find out that the grandfather also struggled with the same addiction? Or have you ever seen a generational pattern throughout your own family that you didn’t quite seem to understand and think to yourself why haven’t we learned our lesson by now?!

Jesse and I both, very much believe that there is a spiritual bondage that can be passed down from one generation to the next. We believe that what we do today (negative and positive) can affect not just our lives in the moment, but our future generations. I realize that not everyone will see our point of view, and may see things differently than Jesse and I. But we have seen this pattern over and over again and we do not want to see our sons go through the same bondage that we’ve seen Jesse and his father walk through.

Exodus 34:7, "Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting (punishing) the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation."

Though we can’t pinpoint where this “bondage” originated from in the Yacoe family, we do know that Jesse saw his father's unfaithfulness during his young life. He watched as his mother was repeatedly hurt because of his father’s selfish mistakes. Jesse vowed never to become anything like that and held anger in his heart for a long time. Their father/son relationship was never anything to be proud of. I always found it strange, it was like something was there butting heads that got in the way of their relationship and kept them from having something more.

For years, I even felt uncomfortable around my father-in-law. A bunch of people I knew (mostly young girls) would feel uncomfortable around him at times. I would always feel so “skeeved” out by the way he sometimes looked at me or how he looked at other young girls. We never hung out with his parents much when we were dating or even much after we got married. I loved his mom, but I didn’t like being around his dad so we just wouldn’t spend much time with them. I felt bad for feeling the way I did, but I could not shake the feeling or explain why I felt the way I did. To me he seemed to be fake, not true or genuine, which ultimately rubbed me the wrong way.

Two weeks ago, I mentioned that my father-in-law was less than supportive when I came to him about Jesse’s affair. At the time, this hurt me more than anyone even realized. I felt like I meant nothing to my father-in-law. I wanted more support; I wanted him to go to Jesse as the man that raised him and tell him that he was being stupid for repeating in his selfish footsteps.

I could dream, right?

Little did I know a year later, more devastating news would hit our family and all my father-in-law's junk would come to light. I now understood why my father-in-law couldn’t confront his own son when the affair came out and why he just sat there like a deer in headlights.

How could he speak wisdom and truth to Jesse, when he was out doing something very similar? Jesse’s dad had been (for a good part of his life) struggling with a sexual addiction. He had a secret life that no one, not even his wife, really knew about or understood. He made some terrible choices that year that threw him into the lowest point in his life, but thankfully God finally got a hold of his heart!

These past two years have been such a healing time for both my husband and father-in-law. God is moving in both their lives in ways He never has before.  God, in His amazing design, allowed it to be possible for them both to walk this out at the same time and be a strong support for one another. They have both grown spiritually in the Lord and are living righteously to honor Him.

They both work hard daily to bring honor to their marriages and restore the trust they both lost. They have grown to lean on one another for support and they have built a great father/son relationship. God is so good!  Not only is He restoring marriages, He is rebuilding this family's foundation and taking this generational bondage out of the Yacoe family.
 
As you can see, I was not always a fan of my father-in-law. Looking back now, I know that I was just spiritually uncomfortable with the masks my father-in-law was putting on daily to cover up all the sinful things he was doing in private. Though I know that my father-in-law's intentions were never to be fake with the people in his life and his true heart was just to be friendly… I could discern the spiritual bondage he was internally struggling with.

From the girl who never felt comfortable being around her father-in-law, I can honestly tell you that my father-in-law is a completely different person from the man he was three years ago. I no longer dislike hanging out with his parents; instead they are almost always the first people we call when we want to hang out. I no longer feel “skeeved” out in his presence; instead he is like a second dad to me and the love I get from him is that of a father's love for a daughter. Who could ask for more?!

My father-in-law's demeanor and heart is raw and vulnerable.  What you see is what you get and it’s so refreshing. His love for his wife is pure and real, and I can see every day how much he adores his wife and his marriage. I tell you, this is not that man I once used to dread seeing. He loves the Lord with a new fire in his heart and he has finally become that father figure I always wanted Jesse to have. It blesses me to see the relationship that is coming out of everything that went so wrong. God is so faithful to restore not just marriages, but even father/son relationships.

As much as Jesse and I believe that generational curses exist, we also fully believe that they can be broken as well. I believe that both Jesse and his dad are making that stand for the Yacoe family in their lives now, and stopping this generational bondage from going forth to the next generation. We believe that our sons can be free of this and I pray that daily over them! I don’t ever want to have my daughter-in-law come to me in pain the way I once had. I don’t want to see my children make the same mistakes. I believe and continue to believe that this ended with Jesse.

Romans 10:9 "if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

Gernerations
Sara Groves

9 comments:

Cara S. said...

Amen, praise God. He is so good and it continues to amaze me how He will bless a mess!

Rachel said...

It's not really a generational curse in my opinion, it's simply genetics. His father had mental issues, and so does Jessee, it got passed down. Addictive personalities are symptoms of a lot of mental problems. On top of the genetic part, kids learn from what they see, so even though Jessee didn't like what his father was doing, he still ended up doing the same thing. It was learned.

To me it's simple science, and the only important thing is to acknowledge it and get the help you need. My husband got his depression from his dad, and his mom really helped me figure out how to help my husband.

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

I'm glad your relationship with him is so much better. That's great :)

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

I love that part where you said that both negative and positive play a big part in future generations. So happy and glad you two have a better relationship!

Trina said...

Wow that is so amazing! Praise the LORD!

Trina said...

I feel like I need to add this....

I definitely believe in generational curses. If you believe in God's Word, its in there. Yes mental illness is real, but to me those are generational curses. Anxiety disorder runs in my family, but when I started struggling with it I prayed and prayed until the curse was broken. I don't struggle with it anymore and I never taken medication for it. I told the Lord I refused to take it and he would have to heal me instead. haha

ashleymbeasley said...

I 100% believe in "generational curses." I believe that we should be aware and break these off of our lives. I love following your blog. You are an inspiration.

Hailey said...

I believe in generational curses too, but I also believe they can definitely be broken. I've seen it time and time again. This was great Lyryn! So happy to hear their relationship has been healed!

Alicia said...

AMEN AND AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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