I can't believe that a year ago today I delivered my second son, Ian Bray. The fact that my little baby boy turns one today is making me all misty eyed and for some reason I can't seem to keep it together (Yeah, I'm a sap). I can't believe it's been a year already, how fast the time all goes. From this 8lb 5oz tiny peanut to this 23lb amazingly perfect little boy; this year has been more than I could have ever imagined or expected.
We didn't know going in that morning what we were having, even though by the end of the pregnancy Jesse and I both felt that I was having a boy. When I got up that morning I put on a lot of make up because I knew that I wouldn't be pushing at all and gosh darn it, I wanted to look pretty in my pictures with my new child. (OK, so maybe it was a little much, but after our first son and 16 hours of labor I didn't have many great pictures from that experience so I wanted to make up for it.)
I can remember my mom cracking up as she met us at our house to follow us to the hospital. She also didn't let up even while we were waiting to go into the OR. She just thought it was hysterical that I looked like THIS (see below) to have a baby. What do you think?! Too much?!
Born at 8:41am via C-section, 8lbs 5oz, and 20.5"; our little gift from God was finally here to hold. As soon as I saw him I cried. I knew this was the little angel I had been dreaming of for the past 9 months, our little Ian Bray. He was perfect and in an instant I fell madly and deeply in love with him.
It was all very fast, nothing like Jayden's birth. Before I knew it he was out, they sewed me back up and I was out of the OR, going back to my room. Jesse was already there with Ian and taking pictures. After they got me back into my room we spent some one on one time with our new baby boy and then we asked all the amazing family and friends who were waiting to meet him to come in. My most favorite moment was watching Jayden meet his new little brother. He was amazing, so wonderful with his new little brother; (despite the fact that he kept calling him "Emeline" - his 5 week old cousin) even to this day it melts my heart to watch them play with one another. You can read more about that day here!
Ian is a gift that God knew would bring such healing to my soul and to our family as a whole. This year isn't just a celebration of my little boy's life (though that is the most important), but also a reminder of God's faithfulness to our family, marriage and life. This year brought healing to fear of abandonment I had struggled so deeply with. This year reassured my heart that my husband is in fact in love with me and wants this marriage and this family. This year gave me more confidence as a mom; knowing that no matter what I do, God has entrusted ME with these two amazing little boys and that I will do whatever it takes to raise them right in the Lord. There is a lot to celebrate this year.
Today... my little boy turns one. Tear...
My precious little love, you mean more to me than you will ever know or understand. Your arrival brought such peace and healing to my soul. Your smiles light up my day and watching you play with your brother melts my heart in a way I can't even explain. You are perfect. Perfectly made by our Heavenly Father and an amazing gift from God. How appropriate since your name means "Gift From God" and that is exactly what you are. And I praise God for this gift daily!
I love my snuggle time with you and see the gentleness in your heart. I love that God heard my prayers when I asked for a little one just like you. I am deeply in love with who you are and who you someday will be. Your heart is pure and I believe God is going to do great and mighty things in and through you.
I pray abundant blessings into your life, my son. I pray that everything you put your mind to will be a success and every dream you dream will become a reality. I believe that God has called you to do great things and I will continue to pray that over you daily. I pray a full and happy life and I pray for the wife you will one day have. I pray for wisdom and a heart that always turns toward God. I pray that you will stand up for what you believe in and speak truth to those who might stand against you. I pray for constant joy in your life and pray against all generational bondage's that may attempt to creep their way in. Be strong in who you are and never doubt your Creator. Let the Lord stand before you and guide you always. Be the man that God has called you to be and never let anyone discourage you from that calling, not even me.
You are so special and such a gift. Know that I will always do my best to parent you and will always love you unconditionally. I will cheer you on and always be honest with you (whether you like it or not). I am not perfect and there will be times I will fail you, and for that I am sorry. But also know that when I fail you, there is always Jesus, who you can run to. I don't have all the answers and I will never claim to, but I will do my best to raise you right and love you with an unfailing love. I am so lucky to be your mommy and I thank God for entrusting me with your life.
I will love you always and forever, my little Ian.