Ian Bray Yacoe

I can't believe that a year ago today I delivered my second son, Ian Bray.  The fact that my little baby boy turns one today is making me all misty eyed and for some reason I can't seem to keep it together (Yeah, I'm a sap).  I can't believe it's been a year already, how fast the time all goes.  From this 8lb 5oz tiny peanut to this 23lb amazingly perfect little boy; this year has been more than I could have ever imagined or expected.

We didn't know going in that morning what we were having, even though by the end of the pregnancy Jesse and I both felt that I was having a boy.  When I got up that morning I put on a lot of make up because I knew that I wouldn't be pushing at all and gosh darn it, I wanted to look pretty in my pictures with my new child. (OK, so maybe it was a little much, but after our first son and 16 hours of labor I didn't have many great pictures from that experience so I wanted to make up for it.)   

I can remember my mom cracking up as she met us at our house to follow us to the hospital.  She also didn't let up even while we were waiting to go into the OR.  She just thought it was hysterical that I looked like THIS (see below) to have a baby.  What do you think?! Too much?!

Born at 8:41am via C-section, 8lbs 5oz, and 20.5"; our little gift from God was finally here to hold.  As soon as I saw him I cried.  I knew this was the little angel I had been dreaming of for the past 9 months, our little Ian Bray.  He was perfect and in an instant I fell madly and deeply in love with him.

It was all very fast, nothing like Jayden's birth. Before I knew it he was out, they sewed me back up and I was out of the OR, going back to my room.  Jesse was already there with Ian and taking pictures.  After they got me back into my room we spent some one on one time with our new baby boy and then we asked all the amazing family and friends who were waiting to meet him to come in.  My most favorite moment was watching Jayden meet his new little brother.  He was amazing, so wonderful with his new little brother; (despite the fact that he kept calling him "Emeline" - his 5 week old cousin) even to this day it melts my heart to watch them play with one another. You can read more about that day here!

Ian is a gift that God knew would bring such healing to my soul and to our family as a whole.  This year isn't just a celebration of my little boy's life (though that is the most important), but also a reminder of God's faithfulness to our family, marriage and life.  This year brought healing to fear of abandonment I had struggled so deeply with.  This year reassured my heart that my husband is in fact in love with me and wants this marriage and this family.  This year gave me more confidence as a mom; knowing that no matter what I do, God has entrusted ME with these two amazing little boys and that I will do whatever it takes to raise them right in the Lord.  There is a lot to celebrate this year.

Today... my little boy turns one.  Tear... 

Dear Ian, 

My precious little love, you mean more to me than you will ever know or understand.  Your arrival brought such peace and healing to my soul.  Your smiles light up my day and watching you play with your brother melts my heart in a way I can't even explain.  You are perfect.  Perfectly made by our Heavenly Father and an amazing gift from God.  How appropriate since your name means "Gift From God" and that is exactly what you are. And I praise God for this gift daily!

I love my snuggle time with you and see the gentleness in your heart.  I love that God heard my prayers when I asked for a little one just like you.  I am deeply in love with who you are and who you someday will be.  Your heart is pure and I believe God is going to do great and mighty things in and through you.

I pray abundant blessings into your life, my son.  I pray that everything you put your mind to will be a success and every dream you dream will become a reality.  I believe that God has called you to do great things and I will continue to pray that over you daily.  I pray a full and happy life and I pray for the wife you will one day have.  I pray for wisdom and a heart that always turns toward God.  I pray that you will stand up for what you believe in and speak truth to those who might stand against you.  I pray for constant joy in your life and pray against all generational bondage's that may attempt to creep their way in.  Be strong in who you are and never doubt your Creator.  Let the Lord stand before you and guide you always. Be the man that God has called you to be and never let anyone discourage you from that calling, not even me.

You are so special and such a gift.  Know that I will always do my best to parent you and will always love you unconditionally.  I will cheer you on and always be honest with you (whether you like it or not).    I am not perfect and there will be times I will fail you, and for that I am sorry.  But also know that when I fail you, there is always Jesus, who you can run to. I don't have all the answers and I will never claim to, but I will do my best to raise you right and love you with an unfailing love.  I am so lucky to be your mommy and I thank God for entrusting me with your life.

I will love you always and forever, my little Ian.

Love,
Mommy

We Are Getting Ready

In two weeks my little guy turns one. Can you believe it?! I can’t believe how fast a year has gone by, but alas… the time is finally here to start planning his first birthday party. 

I like party planning and I’m enjoying planning Ian’s first birthday and I have some good ideas up in this noggin of mine at times, and making my kid's parties fun is something I love doing. I think it’s exciting and I love putting things together to make something awesome happen. However, I must admit that I do find more fun in planning parties for older kids. I like planning games, crafts and stations of all sorts for kids to have fun at. 

Is that weird of me?! 

I’m certainly doing my best to make Ian’s first birthday something to remember (for me at least), seeing that first birthdays are almost always for the mommy. I hate when people say that. I know it’s so true though, because I know Ian will never remember it. But just like Jayden’s first birthday, I will have the guests write a blessing to Ian so that one day he can read them. I think that is very special and something he will someday really appreciate. 

I have been thinking about this for a while now. 

Jesse and I have been calling Ian “our little monkey” since he was born so we thought it would be appropriate to have a "little monkey" themed birthday party for him! Yay! 

I made this invitation and just printed it out at Walmart. I thought it was cute and it was pretty darn cheap. I think all together I paid less than $10 for these invites. Not too bad!

I have been picking up a lot of great ideas from friends and Pinterest. I’m not going to lay it all out for you now… because what would be the fun in that? 

We haven’t had a huge party here in a while, so I wanted to make sure our home was presentable when we had the party. Jesse has been busting his butt in our yard trying to get that all prettied up and I decided to go nuts and repaint my whole first floor. I’m still in the middle of finishing that so I’ll just show you my kitchen for now. 

Before ...

 After...

I LOVE IT! 

I’m so excited about it!!! What do you think?! 

A blog friend, Jessica emailed me this week to say she wanted to make me these blocks for Ian. I was so excited!!! She made them in a DAY and then emailed me this photo of them. 

 Are they not perfect?! I just love them. I told her she needed to open a shop now. I mean, for real. Are they not adorable?! I can’t wait to put them out at his birthday party! Thank you Jessica!

So… that is what we have been doing this past week and will be doing the next two weeks until the party. Hoping it will be a nice day so we can be outside most of the time, but around here… it’s been miserably hot, so who knows.

Hope you all had a great Memorial Day weekend! 

What did you do?!

Silent Sunday - Video!

My baby boy started walking this week!!!

For me... this was huge!

I know that I have been through this before, but this time it was different.

I even cried. 

Here he is...

(Don't mind the mommy screeches)

Photo Friday

Friday Photo: Up

And... He's Up!

Get it?!

Secrets That Mommies Don’t Want to Tell

Have you ever found yourself in a sticky spot with your kids? Have you ever been embarrassed about what your child has done in public? Have you ever had an incident that was so shocking that you think to yourself “how could I ever let anyone know that something like this happen in my home”? Maybe even vowed to never tell anyone about it, ever!? 

Well, that’s me…me… me…and me. 

We tend to have LOTS of mishaps around our home. Many of them are just silly things that happen and I can laugh them right off, because (as you all know) boys will be boys. But there has been a few instances that have made me just hang my head in shame or disbelief. 

I have made that vow a few times. God forbid, if people started judging me about how I’m raising my kids… my little world would be in pieces. I can’t let anyone know that I trip sometimes. I can’t let them see me when I’m down. What would people think?!

Well, to be honest I’m tired of living my life afraid of what people might think of me as a mom. I know I’m not alone. I know there are a few moms’ out there that have had their share of “Oh my word, my kid did what?!” So today, I am going to break my vow and let you in on something only a few people know. This was one of my first major “mishaps” as a mom and I am most certain that there are still many more to come since I am so very imperfect. 

We had just brought Ian home from the hospital. He was eleven days old. Those first few days we were trying to get our little family adjusted to all the change that had just happened. We thought Jayden was taking it very well. He was so sweet with Ian. Honestly, it was too good to be true. The only thing that was a little more difficult than normal was the nighttime routine. Jayden didn’t understand why Ian got to sleep next to mommy and he had to go sleep in his bed. 

I had finally gotten Ian down and put him in the Moses basket next to my bed. My husband had finished up with Jayden and he was lying quietly in his bed. Normally… that meant he would be asleep in 3 minutes or less. Since we had both the kiddos down we decided to jump in the shower for a few minutes to just wipe off the crazy, hectic day. We even kept the bathroom door open to hear for Jayden, just in case he decided to be a wild child. 

Before we knew it, Ian was screaming bloody murder. I thought he had just woken up and needed to be fed. I swiftly dried off. As I exited the bathroom I saw Jayden whip pass me, bee-line it to his room. We had not heard his squeaky door open.  When did he get so good at getting out of his bedroom? I quickly rushed into my room to see what the matter was. Jesse picked up Jayden and brought him to our room and started to ask Jayden what he was doing. Jayden picked up the bottle and said he wanted to feed him. Ian was still screaming, this didn’t sound like a hungry cry. Something still wasn’t right. 

As I was trying to console my little newborn, I started to look more closely. As I brought him into the light I noticed a liquid on his eyes. My heart almost stopped! I yelled to Jesse, “Jayden put nail polish on Ian’s EYES!!!!” Yes, Jayden had found my clear nail polish (Which was well hidden, but obviously not well enough), opened it and painted his little brothers eyes shut. What would give him the idea to paint on his brothers eyes!?!?! What was my child thinking?!?!

Needless to say I FREAKED! My baby’s eyes were stinging. He was in pain! I was afraid he was going to be blind. I pretty much lost it. Not to mention the fact that I was completely hormonal and could not keep myself calm because of all the post pregnancy hormones flowing through my body. 

Luckily, I have an amazing husband that kept incredibly calm. He quickly took Ian to the bathroom and started to flush his eye out with saline. Ian started to calm down, but I was still afraid. I wanted to take Ian to the ER right away, but Jesse did not want me driving so he got him together and went on his way.

Jayden knew he had done something wrong. He knew I was seriously upset. But before I could explain to him what he had done wrong, I needed to compose myself and get calm. I was so angry with Jayden. The anger was so intense. I know he didn’t understand what he had done. I had to call my mom. I needed to talk it out. 

My dad came down and sat with Jayden as I cooled off. My thoughts were finally coming together. I was getting a grip. I sat down and ask my dad “Why would he paint Ian’s eyes? I just don’t understand. I don’t even paint my own nails anymore.” My dad then looked at me and said “Does Jayden watch you put on makeup?” I said “Every day, why?” He then said “Do you put stuff on your eyes?” It clicked! I could understand what might have been going through Jayden head at the time. My dad then left and I sat with Jayden. I apologized for yelling and explained to him that what he did hurt Ian and that mommy was just upset. He kept telling me “sorry, mommy.” I knew he understood. 

Before Jesse got home I started to Googled “nail polish in eyes” and believe it or not, it happens more than you think! I stumbled onto this great article and the first thing it says is “DON’T FREAK OUT.” I wish I had found this before I sent my husband and son to the hospital. It made me feel a little less crazy though. Things began to look better. When Jesse came home he told me that Ian was fine and the doctor said “Good job, Dad. You did everything right,” then sent him on his way. Weeks later we got a bill for $795. That was the most expensive pat on the back I had ever seen. We are still disputing the charge. 

This was something I wanted to keep locked away forever. I felt like a terrible mom. People are going to think I was so irresponsible by leaving my newborn baby alone. Or worse, that people would think that I left open nail polish bottles everywhere so my kid can do whatever he wants with it. Well, if people think that then good for them. Yes, there are things I need to be more careful about but I did think that both my kids were sleeping. I also didn’t realize that Jayden knew where my nail polish was. Yes, I should have put it higher up but none of this doesn’t makes me a bad mom. It just helps me learn about who my kids are and how I can better parent them. I think one day this will be something we all laugh about. 

Has anything crazy like this ever happened in your family? How did you handle it? Has there been a mishap in your home that you would never tell anyone about? If so, welcome to the club! 

Have a great week, girlies!

My Baby is Six Month's Today

Where did the time go?  

It was just yesterday I was in the hospital!

Pure joy, Ian is to our family.  

A blessing

God sent

Precious

Silent Sunday

5 Months Old

3 Months Old

(Doesn't he look a little like Yoda?!)

Growing up so fast!

Silent Sunday

Cousins

Ok Mom, We're done

The Peanut is 2 Months Old

My Little peanut is getting so BIG! 2 Month's Today!!!

So Much For Writing...

So much for coming back to blogging. So much to write... but I feel like I have NO time to do anything. I did however manage to get all my Thank you card out and Ian's birth announcements in the mail.

Look HOW GREAT!Hope you all have a great weekend!

Ian Is ONE MONTH!

Ian's Birth Day

I know this has taken forever to write; seeing that tomorrow we will be hitting the one month mark, I know I have put this off long enough. But like I said before, getting adjusted to two little boys has been harder than I thought. Every time I sat down to write, one of my boys need something. And when I did get a second to write I was just too tired to function. So with Jayden in front of the T.V watching the Micky Mouse Club House and Ian (some what) napping. I will attempt to tell you about Ian's birth day.

My husband had gotten two full days off before Ian's arrival, so we could get all the things we needed done and spend as much time with Jayden as we could. It was nice to have daddy home those two days and we did get most things accomplished. Since we had to be at the hospital so early the next morning, we dropped Jayden off at Jesse's parents so that they could bring him the next morning at a more reasonable time for a 2 year old. I tired, let me tell you I tired to get a good 8 hours of sleep that night because I knew I would not be seeing that type of sleep for a while, but knowing myself all too well I was way too excited to sleep.

That morning we woke up at 4am to be at the hospital at 5:30am sharp. Though it sounds CRAZY, I did my hair and put makeup on trying to look as pretty as can be for pictures afterward. I didn't have a single good picture of me after Jayden was born and I was determined to look a little bit put together this time; especially since there was no labor involved this time. As we walked out of our house to meet my mom (who was following us to the hospital) she was floored I had done myself up and started hysterically laughing and said "I have never seen someone about to have a baby look so pretty." I then responded "Mom, that's my point!"

We got to the hospital and they checked us in right away. We got set up in our room, they started my IV and did the last minute things/tests that needed to be done before I went in to the OR. We had about an hour in a half to wait, though it seemed like only 20 minutes. My mom at this point was still teasing me about how I looked. She made Jesse take this picture of me...

Around 8am they were ready to take me in. They lead Jesse and I to the OR and then made him wait as I got my spinal. As I was in there waiting and watching them get things ready my nerves started to get the best of me, but I played it off with laughing and tons of questions to the nurses. The spinal was not bad at all... actually way easier than an epidural. The drugs worked instantaneously!!! I tell you, it's the craziest feeling!

They finally let Jesse in and started working away. I didn't feel a thing, but it felt like forever! But then my doctor said "Is your camera ready? " Jesse jumped to his feet quickly and started taking picture of our little one coming out. (Remember - We didn't know if it was a boy or girl) He got this amazing shot...Cool or what?! Then before my husband or the doctor could tell me what it was the anesthesiologist shouted out it "IT'S A BOY!!" Jesse and I laughed and then I started to cry. My little boy was here! Healthy, beautiful baby boy; weighing 8lbs 5oz, 20.5 in long! I so enjoyed getting to hold him right away, something I was unable to do with Jayden because I was so out of it with him.

We then went back to the room and I got to feed him and just hold him some more before everyone came in to see. Jesse had still not told everyone so I sent him out. My Mom, Mother and Father-in-law, Jayden, BFF Susan and my sweet Kasey Girl was there to hear the news. Also my cousin Hadassah was there to take pictures and was able to capture the moments for me. This was the part my hubby was waiting for, to announce and say that ...Even Katie was there to (in a way) to hear the news of her new nephew...

After that, everyone came in to meet and hold little Ian Bray. (Bray is Jesse's mom's maiden name). I was so excited for Jayden to meet Ian, even though he did refereed to him as his cousin Emeline.

Jesse and I thought it would be nice for Ian to get Jayden a "big brother" present; so when he met Ian we also gave him the gift saying that this was from your little brother. He opened it and squealed!!!!! Ian had gotten him the Woody doll from Toy Story (Jay is obsessed). BTW - He has not put that thing down! He loves it.

All in all that day was a pretty special day! Our little boy came into the world healthy and we had everyone who is important to us there to share in this special day. We give God all the glory for this little joy in our lives because he is a gift that 2 years ago almost to the day, I never thought we would have. He has brought a piece of healing to this family and gives proof to God's faithfulness and love!

Our little family of three has now become a beautiful family of four.

Welcome Back To Blogging

I'm so sorry I haven't written in a while. I have gotten so many personal emails asking how I'm doing especially since I haven't blogged in almost 4 weeks; so I thought it was only right of me to let you know I'm still alive and kicking!

I have been seriously adjusting to becoming a mommy of two and healing from this C-section. I'm completely and madly in love with little Ian, but completely and utterly exhausted. I guess that should be expected!

There is so much I want to write about and I have started writing them; I'm also still working on Ian's birth story. So hopefully you'll be seeing a lot more of me. Until then, I'll just leave you with a few pictures of my new little addition and some really cute "brother" shots!